Love Story 2030: The One where no one proposes

Note: Apologies to the rest of the cast who are not introduced as yet. I am taking some more time to define the existing characters and the relationships before moving ahead. The title and the phrase OH MY GOD!! are borrowed from the popular TV show FRIENDS.

Characters: Ashok Pujar(M), Puma Chandrashekhar(F), Padmanabhan Swaminathan(M), Nita Nemji Maru(F), Praveen Bhatnagar(M), Shalini(F)

Outside Infinity Mall, Lokhandwala

Paddy: I don't understand. Whats in a last name? Why wouldn't you tell me your last name?
Shalini: I just don't use my last name. So interested? Go to the acads section and look up.
Paddy: Ok..lemme guess. Independent gal wants to chuck her father's name and make a name of her own.
Shalini: Nah...intelligent gal...tryin to make a guy understand it isn't a big deal
Paddy: Hmm....confused guy wants to know who he is going out with
Shalini: Patient gal....still sticks to NO
Paddy: Poor guy...in an attempt to make up a conversation...slips out You are adorable
Shalini: Impressed gal, to make the guy feel better acts flattered, looks down and makes drawings with her toes on the ground
Paddy: Hahaha.good one...you are truly wonderful company
Shalini: Hey..listen. I really had a great evening. Thanks for coming out with me and making me feel better.
Paddy: No problem. Thats what friends are for and if it really means that much to you I wanna say I would love to come out with you again.
(Both just stare at each other for a while)

Suddenly a sound comes....Padddyyyyyyy!!!!

Oh!! Man.!! Not today.

Paddy: Hey Nita...What are you doing here?
Nita: What are you doing here outside? I thought you were supposed to be inside, having dinner at Red Box.
Paddy: As a matter of fact we are heading inside.
Nita: We?
Paddy:Oops..agar mai kahoon ki mai isko leke aaya hoon to band baja degi. I actually "accidentally" met Shalini here at Infinity mall and we decided to have dinner.
Nita: But Puma is waiting for you inside.
(Praveen Saale! I told you to tell her Red Box, Bandra. Now poor Ashok would be waiting at Bandra.)
Shalini: Why would Puma wait for Paddy(pinching Paddy's back)
Paddy: Argghhhhh! Haan..why would she?
Nita:(looking at Paddy) I know you are gonna propose to Puma.
Shalini: WHAT?
Paddy: WHAT?
Nita: I overheard your conversation with Ashok.
Shalini(gives a long stare and then says slowly): Well..then you shouldn't keep her waiting. Carry on (and walks away)
Nita: Whats the matter with her?
Paddy: WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? You have got it all wrong. You go inside and give company to Puma. I'll talk to her. I'll come and explain

Paddy chasing Shalini

Paddy: Hey! Cmon. You know she is crazy. Kuch bhi bolti hai. I wasn't gonna propose to Puma. This is all a big mistake.
Shalini: Well..then who was?
Paddy(mumbles): Praveen you SOB...you screwed things up..Hey Bhagwan! Kaunsi musibat mei fas gaya mai. Praveen. Haat laga to mar gaya tu.
Shalini: Praveen what?
Paddy: Nothing. Just loud thinking.
Shalini: Praveen was going to propose to Puma?
Paddy: (in order to make a joke) I bet Nita wouldn't love to hear that
Shalini: Oh My God! Praveen and Nita. So Puma is just a cover up?
Paddy: No..Nono...

The phone starts to ring and its Ashok. Ab mar gaya Paddy.

Paddy(to Shalini): Listen! Ashok is on call. Just tell him am not available. Ask him to come immediately to Red Box, Andheri. Immediately. I'll go have a fag and come
Shalini: Ok...
Picks up the phone
Ashok: Saale! Maa^%^.
Shalini: Well!! Am not too flattered hearing that. Though not the words, I'll pass on the intent to him.
Ashok: Hey Shalini! Can you tell him he is an asshole as well? I'd really appreciate that
Shalini: Sure. He asked me to tell you there is a change in plan. Come to Red Box, Andheri. Immediately!!
Ashok:sighs...Ok..I guess I dont have a choice. Who else is up?
Shalini: Puma, Nita and Praveen and Praveen is going to propose to Nita. Isn't that exciting? Come fast.
Ashok: WHAT!! This is unbelievable! Puma is there??
Shalini: Thats what the WHAT was for. If you didn't hear me PRAVEEN AND NITA AND THE BIG NIGHT.
Ashok: Praveen told you and didn't tell me? Stay put. I am coming right there to kick some ass.

On the other side

Paddy: Ek kaam tujhse tik se nahi hota. Kya bola tha maine. Puma ko Red Box, Bandra bhej.
Praveen: Abe Chu^%&. Agar Nita ko pata chala ki maine Puma ko bulaya hai to woh meri ga^&* na maar legi. Isliye...
Paddy: Isliye.???
Praveen: Isliye maine Nita ko bola ki Paddy Puma ko Red Box bulana chahta hai.
Paddy: WHAT? I don't believe this. To tere karan ye sab kuch natak hua
Praveen: Aur kya karta be? Tune hi to bulaya tha.
Paddy:Abe maine Ashok ke liye kiya tha. Ab tu idhar aa, sab kuch resolve kar.
Praveen: Haan am on my way. Nita called me up and told me ki koi Puma ko propose karne wala hai. Jaldi aa jao.
Paddy: Haila!! Us ladki ka mooh band hi nahi rehta.
Praveen: So you knew about it? Ashok told you and didn't tell me? Stay put. I am coming right there to kick some ass

Outside Red Box

Shalini: Nita, there is something you must know.
Nita: Whatever it is tell me later. After the Paddy-Puma thing.
Shalini: Thats the thing. Its not Paddy. Its Praveen.
Nita: (mumbles)What! But Praveen told me....
Shalini: It wasnt Paddy that you heard inside the room. It was Praveen. And the gal is not Puma. It is you. I just thought I'll tell you in advance so that you can..you know..
Nita: (surprised) Well... I never thought...I dont know...Praveen....I didnt know it was coming... (thinking) Like hell I didn't know....I totally love him....Thank God its finally tonight that he is going to ask...

Half hour Later. Inside Red Box.

Everybody is staring at each other and thinking to themselves.

Nita: I hope its as romantic as I thought it would be. Oh! My God ! Am so excited and nervous.
Shalini: What a night! It would have been a disaster if it were Paddy and Puma. Why would it be a disaster and why am I so concerned? So what if it were the both of them? No it cant be. Oh. God! Please let me not think about it.
Puma: Paddy and me!! Why Nita? Why did you have to tell me? How do I say NO to Paddy and still not lose him as a friend? What the hell is Ashok doing? Does he know? Oh God! Please tell me what I should do
Ashok: I CANNOT believe Praveen told Paddy and not me. I am his best friend and he switched loyalties. God forbid, he is in for some major ass-kicking.
Praveen: Saala! Haraami. Hamesha mujhse kehta tha mai hi uska acha dost hoon. Bataya bhi nahi aur Paddy ko bataya. Bhagwan kasam, uski aaj mai gaa$% maarta hoon.
Paddy: OH MY GOD! This cannot be happening to me. Paanch logon se ek hi raaat mei pitne waala hoon.

Puma:Why is Ashok quiet? This isnt done. Am gonna tell him how I feel. And stop this before it turns embarrassing.
Nita: I dont think this way he is ever gonna ask me. I will say yes to him.

Talking starts:

Puma: Ashok! Can I talk to you outside for a sec?
Ashok: Sure
Paddy: No..Nono...
Shalini: Why is Puma going outside with Ashok bothering him? This isn't right. Let them go. Sit down and have your food.
Paddy: Yeah. But Ashok.Usse pehle can I talk to you outside for a sec?
Ashok: She asked me first. So I'll talk to you later.

Both Ashok and Puma walk outside

Paddy: This isnt happening. OH MY GOD!!!
Nita: Praveen!! Can I talk to you outside for a sec?
Paddy(turns to Shalini and whispers): You did not, did you?
Shalini lowers her head.
Paddy: Nononono...nonono.... No....No... This is not what all of us came for. If its gonna be private speaking I think I should let you gals speak and take a moment with Praveen outside.
Shalini: What are you? A moderator for all discussions?
Praveen: Chod na. Kya load le raha hai

Both Praveen and Nita take a walk outside

Shalini: So that leaves the two of us. What do you want to have?
Paddy(not paying attention, watching outside through the glass door): Whatever you want. Just go ahead.
Shalini: Would you stop staring outside? Thats so insensitive.
Paddy: What? Insensitive..I....I...was just looking...

Everybody has a quite smile and come inside.

At the table, all silence.

Paddy(embarrassing break of the silence): Hey, Hey! Guess what!! The food has come. Aren't we all so excited?
Nita: I'll just goto the washroom and come. You gals wanna come?
Paddy: Hey! Hey!! No more talking alone. I wanna come too.

Everybody stares at Paddy, look of disgust.

Praveen(smiling): Dude, its the ladies washroom. We all want to as well. But lets not make that obvious. You gals carry on.

In the ladies washroom

Nita: Praveen proposed to me and I said Yes.
Shalini: Thats great. Congratulations!!
Puma: Ashok proposed to me and I said Yes.
Nita: WHAT?
Shalini: WHAT?
Nita: But what about Paddy? I hope he isn't upset.
Shalini: Oh! He will not be. He better not be. He will just be happy for the two of them.
Puma: I asked Ashok to tell Paddy. Its his responsibility.
Nita: This is so great. This is awesome.

Back in the table

Paddy: So what the fuck happened outside?
Ashok: Well. Puma kinda said some arbit things I couldn't understand. She said she really likes me and I said Yes. So that means....
Praveen: Hey. Mera bhi...Nita came and told me I have nothing to be afraid of and she likes me as well. So I said thats great and said Yes.
Ashok: I still CANNOT believe you didn't tell me you were gonna propose.
Praveen: I CANNOT believe you didn't tell me you were gonna propose.
Ashok: But I didn't. She did.
Praveen: Same with me. So who was gonna propose?
Ashok(to Paddy): Do you mind telling us whats happening?
Paddy: OH MY GOD!!! I CANNOT believe whatever is happening is actually happening.
Ashok: So?
Paddy: Well...I didnt.
Paveen: What I didnt?

Praveen's room: 4 hours earlier

Ashok: Abe kahan jaa raha hai? Andar aa na.
Praveen: Ye assignment prof ko submit karke aata hoon.

Inside the room

Paddy: Aao ji romeo saab.
Ashok: Chod na yaar. Dimaag satak raha hai. I wanna take Puma out to this great restaurant at Bandra called Red Box. Pooch ne me dikkat ho rahi hai.
Paddy: Whats so great in asking a gal out? Propose karna hi mushkil hai.
Ashok: Kya? Tu?
Paddy: Haan. Yaar, I think its time I told Shalini how I felt.
Ashok: Acha aise karte hain tu meri waali ko Red Box bula. Mai tujhe sikhata hoon kaise bolna chahiye.
Paddy: Done. Aaj Puma Red Box, Bandra mei tujhe milegi. Pakka.
Ashok: Great!! Just go tell her I love you.
Paddy(looks at Ashok clumsily): Wow! Thats great help
Ashok: Kya! Bas bol dene ka. Nahi to second best sms kar de.
Paddy: Hell NO!
Ashok: Kyon?
Paddy: Pata nahi. Something inside tells me sms is just a mess.
Ashok: What does that something inside you tell will work?
Paddy: That it will not work. (smiles)
Ashok: Dekh!! Take her to Red Box, Andheri. That romantic setting will take care of the rest. Thats what I would do if it were Puma.
Paddy(laughs): So you think I should go ahead and propose to Puma?
Ashok(laughs): You bet.

Outside the room, Nita overhears the last two lines.

OH MY GOD!!

Written and Directed by,
Batty