Thursday, September 18, 2008

Where does a win-win leave the employee?

This is an incident as narrated to me by one of my friends in the treasury department of a reputed bank. I shall not name him and the bank because being a banker myself I should not be seen as a person who cries foul about other banks. This is to highlight the macro-issue of work culture we are all subjected to these days.

The trading house is an insulated department from the "real bank" not just geographically but in all respects. While we get a confirmation from the client, get an acceptance letter signed and setup the limit; the treasury department first books a deal, gets the acceptance signed and gives a confirmation on the deal.

There are two kinds of clients: one who blindly trust the dealer's advise; the other trusts his/her own instinct and forces the dealer to close his position. My friend met a third kind.

Friend: Sir, this is the wrong time to close your position. Just wait for a couple of days, the dust will settle down and then we can make an informed decision.

Client: I don't want to lose any money. My WC requirements are tight and I cant afford any slip-ups.

Friend: Sir, you have to trust my judgment. This is really not the right time. I assure you there will not be any slip ups. Your position is secure. Don't touch it now.

Client: I don't know. My gut says now is the time. Anyways, you are the expert. I trust you.

Friend: Thank you sir!! You won't regret it.

Client hangs up. Calls dealer 2 in the same bank.

Client: I want to close my position now.

Dealer2: Sir, I don't handle your account. I am not authorized to.

Client: He is not available. Should I wait for him to come and see my money going down the drain?

The dealer 2 is an new employee. He has been taught by his boss to put the customer first. He starts sweating.

Dealer2: Sir, we are out here to help you. I just hope he is in the loop. I shall close the deal for you and send you the confirmation.

Client: Yes, please do.

Dealer2 closes the deal. The next day there is a sharp dip and the client realizes he has lost 40 lakhs. At the same time he gets the acceptance letter that needs to be signed. Now the client starts to sweat. He sits on that letter and doesn't respond to it.

After 2 days:

Boss in bank: Sir, we have not received your payment as yet.

Client: What payment? Who had asked you to close the position? Why was it done without my permission?

Boss in bank: Sir, there has to be an explanation. I am sure Dealer 1(Friend) did it with your permission.

Client: I had specifically discussed this and we agreed not to close the position. Please assign me another set of dealers. This is not done. I don't want to see Dealer 1's face again.

Client slams the phone

Boss: Did the client ask you to keep the position open.

Friend: (totally unaware) Yes sir. He did.

Boss fires my friend left and right and gives hoards of gyaan about customer trust and ethics. He is not given a chance to speak. At last he is ordered to visit the client and apologize to him personally.

Now!! This was a situation even the client had not seen coming. He just thought the dealers would change. My friend arrives at the client's place. The client is embarrassed. He starts sweating

Client: I am really very sorry. I should never have put your job on the line. It was all my fault.

Friend: (just back from the gyaan of customer first) No problem sir. I would have probably done the same thing if I were in your shoes. I am here to propose to you another deal that would cut your losses(40 lakhs) by 1/4th.

Client: I trust you this time. Please do so, and once more I am really very sorry.

My friend goes back, works out a deal and goes to his boss.

Friend: Boss, I have done some damage control. I have found a quote for the client that would reduce his loss to 5 lakhs.

Boss: Hmm... Quote higher. That is not a favorable quote.

Friend: But sir, this quote would limit his loss.

Boss: Do as I say and the client reduces his loss to 8 lakhs and we make 3L on the transaction. You are an MBA, you should know how to make a transaction win-win. Our side of the win is equally important.

Friend closes the transaction. Boss shoots him a mail of appreciation marking all national heads. As a reply to that mail my friend tenders his resignation.

I offered to look for opportunities for him in my bank. But he had become so skeptical about sales and numbers that he took up a job in a firm which releases reports. His salary is the same but the satisfaction level different. How different is something I leave to his judgment.

Critiques to this post might argue - not all clients are like that, not all bosses are like that. That is a lame explanation. I put myself in his shoes. My clients represent the market to me. My boss represents the organization to me. People react to situations based on the inputs from a perceivable environment( read: immediate boss and his clients)

On the face of it, client is happy he limited his loss to 8 lakhs. Customer satisfaction achieved. The boss pocketed 3 lakhs and achieved his target. Since he represents the organization, organizational motive of higher revenue achieved. Win-win? Yes.

But where does the win-win leave an employee?

Signed,
Barat Ramkumar

Note: Introspect and you will realise that it applies to you as well. Blame the self-imposed targets and definitions of success that we wear as a blanket to hide from hard-hitting realities. Throwing the ethical mantle on the other person's back has become the order of the day. Its unfair, I argue. I get a reply 'So is life. Move on'

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Prisoners of our Past

As much as we would like to call ourselves pragmatists, somewhere down inside we are all, what I call, prisoners of our own past. Everybody has a past, significance of which is each's own. But nobody can deny its influence on a person's future course of actions. The mind is but a child. Anything you push to forget, it throws back as memories. The standard Disclaimer follows:

Disclaimer: All the characters in the story are fictional and bear no resemblance to anybody living or dead. In an attempt to challenge the writer within I might have created characters but the feelings and the emotion exuded are true to my conscience and are as I would have reacted to such a situation.

Secretary: Oh! Hello Doctor! Good Morning. You are a little early for your appointment.
Doctor: Well, the pleasure of your company, I must say.
Secretary: I must say am flattered but a little busy too. Please have a seat. I'll inform him.
Doctor: Take your time sweetheart. I'll be waiting.
Secretary: Weird! I'd rather prefer your son address me like that.

Knock..Knock...

Secretary: Sir! The Doctor has come. Should I buzz him in?
Me: Can you ask him to wait? I am expecting a couple of friends. I'll come out after that. Just keep him alive until then.
Secretary: I hope I am. Smiles and starts to go out
Me: (blushing) Hey!!Wait..Hmm.. Wh...What.... What does your appointment book read this Friday night?
Secretary: (smiles)I have to say. You really are bad at this. Mine says Free. I don't know what yours does?
Me: Oh...ok...Please do check if it gives me the permission to ask you out.

Bolts the door and leaves. After a while...

Me: That's the Memorandum of Association of the Company. What are you looking for in that?
X: I am just searching for the page that says you can be fired for dating your secretary.
Me: Hey!! Don't get judgmental. I have an extra ticket to the concert this Friday and I asked her.
Y: Yeah! Since when do concerts happen in restaurants and the fact it happens to be a candle-lit restaurant is just a coincidence. The 'concert' doesn't even have drums. Its mild guitar. Dood..Whats with you?
Me: Don't get started on that. I was like that a couple of years ago. I just have grown to appreciate finer things in life. That's all.
X: Finer meaning more transparent shirts(feeling the shirt)
Me: Hey! Get your hands off! This is fashion.
X: Since when? The ancient Indians used to wear this.
Me: Enough of it. Guys, that's not why I asked you to come. I need some advise. Help me out here. How do I tell her?
Y: I am sorry. When did we go from Its just a concert - to - candlelight dinner - and now to - wanting to tell her
X: Meri baat maan! Kuch mat bol use. Things are good as they are. They always want some company to go out. When you confess they say - Oh No! You are my best friend. Please remain the same.
Y: Well they probably wouldn't if you strike at the right moment. You keep avoiding her thinking she has a boyfriend and I cant do this to my best friend and one day suddenly reality strikes and you blurt out. You have always been a loser. Oh! Am sorry! A "self-righteous" loser. Does that make you better?
X: Oh! Yeah!! You wanna talk loser. How about not telling a girl how you feel because you were professionally insecure. Were you streaking cross country half naked in poverty that you couldn't share your life with some one else. What do we call that? A "chivalrous" loser. Don't get me started.
Me (yelling out loud): Will you guys just stop it? That isn't why you are here. I need some advise guys. I am not here to judge who the bigger loser is.

A loud thud on the table with the fist. The secretary hears the sound and rushes in.

Secretary: Is there a problem?
Me: Nopes! Just a little stressed out. Can you get three glasses of black coffee?
Secretary: Three glasses? But there is...
Me: Tell him I'll be with him in just some time.
Secretary: Sure! (smiles) Your appointment book says we can sneak in a couple of hours for dinner.
Me: (trying to smile painfully) It does?
Secretary: A couple of calls and I made sure it does

Outside.

Doctor: So! How does it look?
Secretary: Bad. He just ordered three glasses of black tea just for himself and I heard him yelling. He must have just got off the phone.
Doctor: Hmm..Three glasses... Is there a mike in that room that you can hear from here?
Secretary: (Stops her work and looks at him) Do you think we run a criminal investigation sort of something here.
Doctor: Well! My son has got two tickets to this great restaurant by the sea-side that has mild guitar playing. Romantic I must say! I can recommend your name.
Secretary: Well! I would still stick to no because we don't have such a facility and as far as your offer goes, I already have plans. Guess what! The same place you are talking about.
Doctor: My son is going to be so disappointed
Secretary: (winks)I bet he wouldn't be.

Inside.

Me: Did you see how upbeat she was. Guys, am telling you she is totally into me.
X: It all begins that way. Don't fall for it.
Me: (looks at Y): So?
Y: I don't know. I never have. When I went out with her, it all seemed to be good. But I just couldn't push myself to tell her. I was always afraid as to how she would react. Basically I choked. Just look into her eyes and say it.
X: Well...yeah that's one thing I couldn't. I chose the worst way of proposing and did it after 3-4 months of weird behavior. See...the reason am dissuading you is...that day its not the love that I lost. I know I will end up loving someone else. But I lost my best friend and it hasn't been the same et all.
Y: Stop blaming yourself. Look am sorry it didn't work out between the two of you. But you got to move on. And it ain't your fault you didn't know she had broken up. As I see it you have far more to gain than you lose. If she doesn't understand she never was your best friend.
Me:Am so very confused. Why can't things just happen as they do in movies? (Head down on the table)

The door opens and the doc enters. X and Y move to a corner of the room

Doctor: May I come in?
Me: Oh.. Hello Doc. Come on in.
Doctor: I have repeatedly asked you to call me dad.
Me: Yeah! Doc!! Just a little stressed.
Doctor: (flashes a torch down my eyes) So...you still see them?
Me:(looks at the corner of the room where X and Y are standing)I guess yes. They are memories that I shall take to my grave. Will they ever go?
Doctor: Its a question you have to ask yourself. Don't you want them to go? Every person has a past. Your obsession with it has created characters out of them. Don't let that spoil what you have today.
Me: I don't know what you mean.
Doctor: I saw her outside with a glow in her eyes. She is in love with you. Don't let her go this time. If you don't want to be called a loser, don't do the right thing. Make, what you think is, the mistake and you won't regret it.
Me: Thanks Dad! Thanks a lot!!
Dad: Good luck son!!

Created and Written by,
Batty


Author's note: Inspiration - Ron Howard's 'A Beautiful Mind'

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Damn the critics, rock on!!!

Not everyone lives his dream, but keeping it alive completes your life - Rock On

At the outset, I wanna clarify that this is not a review of the movie, but should it be considered so, I still cant believe I beat Atlee to it.

Jokes apart, it was a tough weekend. The Bangalore trip was hectic and drained me, though the rum turned on my reserves. One of the paradoxes of living in your hometown is the loneliness factor. You have a defined set of friends whose tastes you already know and you really dont feel like moving out to make new friends. Its been quite some time since I went out with a girl. I pondered a while and took my phone. "Rock On chalna hai?" "Kyon, koi laundiya nahi mili kya" " Abe! Chod na, chalna hai ki nahi bol...Dimaag mat kha". One of the problems of inviting Ramesh to a movie is his vocal criticism of a movie half way through that can put you off. The alternative - try and impress the legal department babe and talk her into the movie. I chose the easier path.

So...the movie... Am not gonna bore you with what the plot is and whos acting was better... thats what all the critics are for. I am just here to damn the critics. Somewhere through this bug of writing reviews and critiquing we have lost sensitivity. I dont expect a film to be logically perfect or a complete surprise package. I expect a film to either entertain me or make me sensitive. So what if its a rehash of old masalas.

Lets take the points of criticism one-by-one
1. There was no humor in the film. It was all too serious - Am sorry! Were you expecting Laurel and Hardy
2. It was immature and unrealistic - Yeah, the last I heard all the college bands got to produce their own albums
3. It was way too subtle - I didnt mind it. In an era where Indian films are characterized by adjectives like dramatic and loud, I appreciate a difference however extreme.
4. The plot is predictable - So? A film is supposed to be about moments - moments that make you smile, cry and say - yeah thats me. I dont mind knowing where the film is heading as long as I want to go in that direction along with the film.

I still vaguely remember wanting to be a TV News reporter when I was a kid. I always used to watch the news channels over and over again. After watching it I used to go to the mirror and say - Till next time its goodbye and goodnight from all of us. I used to write a lot of letters to the editor and post it. The next day I would wake up and turn to the editorial only to hang my head down. But soon it became a regular feature. I slowly started seeing the penultimate and last pages of the magazine section.

Back to the point - Not everybody has a great dream nor does everybody live his dream. But even today, sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and try repeating a few lines or write about issues I feel deeply about. Just because I didnt make a career out of it does not mean I ditch something I like doing. I like to keep it alive because thats who I am. It may not be my identity to others. But it is to me. I owe it to myself. That is something that completes me.

Go watch Rock on with an open mind and you will relate yourself to it.

Cheers,
Batty


Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Love Story 2030: The One where no one proposes

Note: Apologies to the rest of the cast who are not introduced as yet. I am taking some more time to define the existing characters and the relationships before moving ahead. The title and the phrase OH MY GOD!! are borrowed from the popular TV show FRIENDS.

Characters: Ashok Pujar(M), Puma Chandrashekhar(F), Padmanabhan Swaminathan(M), Nita Nemji Maru(F), Praveen Bhatnagar(M), Shalini(F)

Outside Infinity Mall, Lokhandwala

Paddy: I don't understand. Whats in a last name? Why wouldn't you tell me your last name?
Shalini: I just don't use my last name. So interested? Go to the acads section and look up.
Paddy: Ok..lemme guess. Independent gal wants to chuck her father's name and make a name of her own.
Shalini: Nah...intelligent gal...tryin to make a guy understand it isn't a big deal
Paddy: Hmm....confused guy wants to know who he is going out with
Shalini: Patient gal....still sticks to NO
Paddy: Poor guy...in an attempt to make up a conversation...slips out You are adorable
Shalini: Impressed gal, to make the guy feel better acts flattered, looks down and makes drawings with her toes on the ground
Paddy: Hahaha.good one...you are truly wonderful company
Shalini: Hey..listen. I really had a great evening. Thanks for coming out with me and making me feel better.
Paddy: No problem. Thats what friends are for and if it really means that much to you I wanna say I would love to come out with you again.
(Both just stare at each other for a while)

Suddenly a sound comes....Padddyyyyyyy!!!!

Oh!! Man.!! Not today.

Paddy: Hey Nita...What are you doing here?
Nita: What are you doing here outside? I thought you were supposed to be inside, having dinner at Red Box.
Paddy: As a matter of fact we are heading inside.
Nita: We?
Paddy:Oops..agar mai kahoon ki mai isko leke aaya hoon to band baja degi. I actually "accidentally" met Shalini here at Infinity mall and we decided to have dinner.
Nita: But Puma is waiting for you inside.
(Praveen Saale! I told you to tell her Red Box, Bandra. Now poor Ashok would be waiting at Bandra.)
Shalini: Why would Puma wait for Paddy(pinching Paddy's back)
Paddy: Argghhhhh! Haan..why would she?
Nita:(looking at Paddy) I know you are gonna propose to Puma.
Shalini: WHAT?
Paddy: WHAT?
Nita: I overheard your conversation with Ashok.
Shalini(gives a long stare and then says slowly): Well..then you shouldn't keep her waiting. Carry on (and walks away)
Nita: Whats the matter with her?
Paddy: WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? You have got it all wrong. You go inside and give company to Puma. I'll talk to her. I'll come and explain

Paddy chasing Shalini

Paddy: Hey! Cmon. You know she is crazy. Kuch bhi bolti hai. I wasn't gonna propose to Puma. This is all a big mistake.
Shalini: Well..then who was?
Paddy(mumbles): Praveen you SOB...you screwed things up..Hey Bhagwan! Kaunsi musibat mei fas gaya mai. Praveen. Haat laga to mar gaya tu.
Shalini: Praveen what?
Paddy: Nothing. Just loud thinking.
Shalini: Praveen was going to propose to Puma?
Paddy: (in order to make a joke) I bet Nita wouldn't love to hear that
Shalini: Oh My God! Praveen and Nita. So Puma is just a cover up?
Paddy: No..Nono...

The phone starts to ring and its Ashok. Ab mar gaya Paddy.

Paddy(to Shalini): Listen! Ashok is on call. Just tell him am not available. Ask him to come immediately to Red Box, Andheri. Immediately. I'll go have a fag and come
Shalini: Ok...
Picks up the phone
Ashok: Saale! Maa^%^.
Shalini: Well!! Am not too flattered hearing that. Though not the words, I'll pass on the intent to him.
Ashok: Hey Shalini! Can you tell him he is an asshole as well? I'd really appreciate that
Shalini: Sure. He asked me to tell you there is a change in plan. Come to Red Box, Andheri. Immediately!!
Ashok:sighs...Ok..I guess I dont have a choice. Who else is up?
Shalini: Puma, Nita and Praveen and Praveen is going to propose to Nita. Isn't that exciting? Come fast.
Ashok: WHAT!! This is unbelievable! Puma is there??
Shalini: Thats what the WHAT was for. If you didn't hear me PRAVEEN AND NITA AND THE BIG NIGHT.
Ashok: Praveen told you and didn't tell me? Stay put. I am coming right there to kick some ass.

On the other side

Paddy: Ek kaam tujhse tik se nahi hota. Kya bola tha maine. Puma ko Red Box, Bandra bhej.
Praveen: Abe Chu^%&. Agar Nita ko pata chala ki maine Puma ko bulaya hai to woh meri ga^&* na maar legi. Isliye...
Paddy: Isliye.???
Praveen: Isliye maine Nita ko bola ki Paddy Puma ko Red Box bulana chahta hai.
Paddy: WHAT? I don't believe this. To tere karan ye sab kuch natak hua
Praveen: Aur kya karta be? Tune hi to bulaya tha.
Paddy:Abe maine Ashok ke liye kiya tha. Ab tu idhar aa, sab kuch resolve kar.
Praveen: Haan am on my way. Nita called me up and told me ki koi Puma ko propose karne wala hai. Jaldi aa jao.
Paddy: Haila!! Us ladki ka mooh band hi nahi rehta.
Praveen: So you knew about it? Ashok told you and didn't tell me? Stay put. I am coming right there to kick some ass

Outside Red Box

Shalini: Nita, there is something you must know.
Nita: Whatever it is tell me later. After the Paddy-Puma thing.
Shalini: Thats the thing. Its not Paddy. Its Praveen.
Nita: (mumbles)What! But Praveen told me....
Shalini: It wasnt Paddy that you heard inside the room. It was Praveen. And the gal is not Puma. It is you. I just thought I'll tell you in advance so that you can..you know..
Nita: (surprised) Well... I never thought...I dont know...Praveen....I didnt know it was coming... (thinking) Like hell I didn't know....I totally love him....Thank God its finally tonight that he is going to ask...

Half hour Later. Inside Red Box.

Everybody is staring at each other and thinking to themselves.

Nita: I hope its as romantic as I thought it would be. Oh! My God ! Am so excited and nervous.
Shalini: What a night! It would have been a disaster if it were Paddy and Puma. Why would it be a disaster and why am I so concerned? So what if it were the both of them? No it cant be. Oh. God! Please let me not think about it.
Puma: Paddy and me!! Why Nita? Why did you have to tell me? How do I say NO to Paddy and still not lose him as a friend? What the hell is Ashok doing? Does he know? Oh God! Please tell me what I should do
Ashok: I CANNOT believe Praveen told Paddy and not me. I am his best friend and he switched loyalties. God forbid, he is in for some major ass-kicking.
Praveen: Saala! Haraami. Hamesha mujhse kehta tha mai hi uska acha dost hoon. Bataya bhi nahi aur Paddy ko bataya. Bhagwan kasam, uski aaj mai gaa$% maarta hoon.
Paddy: OH MY GOD! This cannot be happening to me. Paanch logon se ek hi raaat mei pitne waala hoon.

Puma:Why is Ashok quiet? This isnt done. Am gonna tell him how I feel. And stop this before it turns embarrassing.
Nita: I dont think this way he is ever gonna ask me. I will say yes to him.

Talking starts:

Puma: Ashok! Can I talk to you outside for a sec?
Ashok: Sure
Paddy: No..Nono...
Shalini: Why is Puma going outside with Ashok bothering him? This isn't right. Let them go. Sit down and have your food.
Paddy: Yeah. But Ashok.Usse pehle can I talk to you outside for a sec?
Ashok: She asked me first. So I'll talk to you later.

Both Ashok and Puma walk outside

Paddy: This isnt happening. OH MY GOD!!!
Nita: Praveen!! Can I talk to you outside for a sec?
Paddy(turns to Shalini and whispers): You did not, did you?
Shalini lowers her head.
Paddy: Nononono...nonono.... No....No... This is not what all of us came for. If its gonna be private speaking I think I should let you gals speak and take a moment with Praveen outside.
Shalini: What are you? A moderator for all discussions?
Praveen: Chod na. Kya load le raha hai

Both Praveen and Nita take a walk outside

Shalini: So that leaves the two of us. What do you want to have?
Paddy(not paying attention, watching outside through the glass door): Whatever you want. Just go ahead.
Shalini: Would you stop staring outside? Thats so insensitive.
Paddy: What? Insensitive..I....I...was just looking...

Everybody has a quite smile and come inside.

At the table, all silence.

Paddy(embarrassing break of the silence): Hey, Hey! Guess what!! The food has come. Aren't we all so excited?
Nita: I'll just goto the washroom and come. You gals wanna come?
Paddy: Hey! Hey!! No more talking alone. I wanna come too.

Everybody stares at Paddy, look of disgust.

Praveen(smiling): Dude, its the ladies washroom. We all want to as well. But lets not make that obvious. You gals carry on.

In the ladies washroom

Nita: Praveen proposed to me and I said Yes.
Shalini: Thats great. Congratulations!!
Puma: Ashok proposed to me and I said Yes.
Nita: WHAT?
Shalini: WHAT?
Nita: But what about Paddy? I hope he isn't upset.
Shalini: Oh! He will not be. He better not be. He will just be happy for the two of them.
Puma: I asked Ashok to tell Paddy. Its his responsibility.
Nita: This is so great. This is awesome.

Back in the table

Paddy: So what the fuck happened outside?
Ashok: Well. Puma kinda said some arbit things I couldn't understand. She said she really likes me and I said Yes. So that means....
Praveen: Hey. Mera bhi...Nita came and told me I have nothing to be afraid of and she likes me as well. So I said thats great and said Yes.
Ashok: I still CANNOT believe you didn't tell me you were gonna propose.
Praveen: I CANNOT believe you didn't tell me you were gonna propose.
Ashok: But I didn't. She did.
Praveen: Same with me. So who was gonna propose?
Ashok(to Paddy): Do you mind telling us whats happening?
Paddy: OH MY GOD!!! I CANNOT believe whatever is happening is actually happening.
Ashok: So?
Paddy: Well...I didnt.
Paveen: What I didnt?

Praveen's room: 4 hours earlier

Ashok: Abe kahan jaa raha hai? Andar aa na.
Praveen: Ye assignment prof ko submit karke aata hoon.

Inside the room

Paddy: Aao ji romeo saab.
Ashok: Chod na yaar. Dimaag satak raha hai. I wanna take Puma out to this great restaurant at Bandra called Red Box. Pooch ne me dikkat ho rahi hai.
Paddy: Whats so great in asking a gal out? Propose karna hi mushkil hai.
Ashok: Kya? Tu?
Paddy: Haan. Yaar, I think its time I told Shalini how I felt.
Ashok: Acha aise karte hain tu meri waali ko Red Box bula. Mai tujhe sikhata hoon kaise bolna chahiye.
Paddy: Done. Aaj Puma Red Box, Bandra mei tujhe milegi. Pakka.
Ashok: Great!! Just go tell her I love you.
Paddy(looks at Ashok clumsily): Wow! Thats great help
Ashok: Kya! Bas bol dene ka. Nahi to second best sms kar de.
Paddy: Hell NO!
Ashok: Kyon?
Paddy: Pata nahi. Something inside tells me sms is just a mess.
Ashok: What does that something inside you tell will work?
Paddy: That it will not work. (smiles)
Ashok: Dekh!! Take her to Red Box, Andheri. That romantic setting will take care of the rest. Thats what I would do if it were Puma.
Paddy(laughs): So you think I should go ahead and propose to Puma?
Ashok(laughs): You bet.

Outside the room, Nita overhears the last two lines.

OH MY GOD!!

Written and Directed by,
Batty

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Love Story 2030 - Part 1

The seed of this post was sown about a year ago in Mansi's room. 429 had become our hangout den after 623. The usual characters: Mansi, Maru, Atlee and batty. We were pulling each others' legs when one of us mentioned how our children would be. Though it didn’t last more than 2-3 mins, it struck me that it would surely make for a good read. So how do you make a story out of that? How about making them study in NITIE together?? Hmm...something more. They don’t know that their parents were the 623 gang. Hmm...Interesting...70s bollywood effect. But kinda lacks punch.Fine....they fall in love with each other. Yeah that’s right. It’s Love Story 2030. Fasten your seatbelts.

Characters - These are just for Part 1, the other character will be introduced in Part 2
Ashok Pujar(M), Puma Chandrashekhar(F), Padmanabhan Swaminathan(M), Nita Nemji Maru(F), Praveen Bhatnagar(M)

Situation - Eco Project

Place - Room Number: 429

All of them look at each other as to who should start the discussion.

Ashok(whispers): Yaar ek baat bata tera naam Padmanabhan se Paddy kaise ban gaya?

Paddy: Yaar meri mom pakka south indian hai. Isliye Padmanabhan naam rakh diya. Mere papa ne bohot protest kiya ki future mei ise problems honge. Par kisi ne suna hi nahi. Padmanabhan kisi bhagwan ka naam hoga. Isliye mera naam mere papa ne hi a.k.a Paddy rakh diya aur ghar mei jo bhi dost aate hain unko bhi bol diya ki iska naam Paddy hai. To mai Padmanabhan se Paddy ban gaya.

Ashok: To seedha bolna tha ghar mei bulate hain. Itna gyaan kyon sunata hai tu.

Praveen (Jumps on to the bed where both of us are sitting): Abe kis ladki ke baare mei baat kar rahe ho? I'll also join.

Paddy (embarrassed that the other two girls are left alone): Kuch nahi. Let’s start the discussion. So lets all introduce us.

Introduction over and now everyone again stares at one another as to now what.

Ashok(Trying to break the ice): We should have more of our meetings outside lets say at dinners or coffee days. Kaam bhi ho jayega. Ek break bhi milega.

Praveen: Kuch kiya hi nahi. Kisse break lena hai. Abe paisa nahi kharch karna. Idhar hi karte hain.

Puma: Actually we should go out. It’s at least better than staying at this place. It looks like they have not repaired this room since the 90s.

Ashok (winks at Puma): Haan. She is right. Our mood will be better outside as well. We will be able to work better.

Nita: Arre...jaldi decide karo naaa.....mujhe tayyar hone ke liye half hour lagega.

Paddy (smiling): Nothing doing. First we split the work. Nita and Praveen - You research on the internet and get the material. Give the material to me and Puma. We will work on the document and then we pass it on to Ashok. Chal..you guys keep discussing. I'll have a fag and come.

Inside the room - Nita and Praveen get to discussing and Ashok is upto his usual stuff.

Ashok: So are you new to Bombay?

Puma: Yup. My mom and Dad are from Hyderabad.

Ashok: Its interesting cos your Hindi sounds more Mumbaish.

Puma: I actually studied in Pune and stayed at my relatives' place. Kal mujhe unse milne Pune jaana hai. Par bolne se dar lagta hai. This Paddy seems to be very strict.

Ashok: No. Not really. He is a kind a show-off. Dikhata hai waise. Waise koi load nahi hai. Mai Praveen ko janta hoon. Woh internet mei kaam ki cheez kam dekhta hai

On the other side

Nita: Kam karne kab baithna hai?

Praveen: Arre kaam ko rehne do. Tujhe lagta hai Ashok aur Puma kaam ke baare mei baat kar rahe hain. Waise hi timepass karte hain, coffe peete hain. movie dekte hain. I have got some old videos and songs that my dad passed onto me.

Nita: Oh...Is that so? I would like to see those movies. Actually my parents lived in a village and there was no computer in the house. My dad wouldn’t allow me to touch his laptop. I overheard him telling my mom that I might see the TP folder on his laptop. He has been preserving that for over 20 years. Wonder what’s in that.

Praveen: Koi load nahi hai. You can come to my room.

Nita: Sure.

Paddy enters the room.

Ashok: Abe itna time kyon laga

Paddy: Abe woh Dean Anil Pundir ka phone aa gaya. Uski beti ki shaadi mei media arrange karwana hai. Mai kya ghanta hoon. Ye saala insti kabhi nahi sudhrega.

Nita and Puma leave the room and the three of us get to talking.

Praveen: Abe chodd na. Load kya le raha hai. Ashok ki tarah rehna chahiye. Tere jaate hi lag gaya Puma ke saat.

Ashok: Kuch bhi ho mai tere jaise Ambuja nahi maar raha tha ladki ke saamne.

Paddy: Ye saala Ambuja kya hota hai.

Ashok: Abe kuch nahi. Mere papa ke ek dost the Andy naam se. Woh hamesha PJ marte rehte the. Usko hi Ambuja bolte hain.

Paddy: Andy se yaad aata hai. Mere papa ke ek dost the jo apne kisse Andy ke naam se sunaate the. Kahin woh tere papa to nahin.

Ashok: Oye. Baap pe mat jaa.

Paddy: Chal..chodd.. (Winks at Ashok) Acha suna Nita ka koi boyfriend hai. (Both look at Praveen)

Ashok: Haan suna thoda dicey hai unka relationship.

Praveen: Ghanta saalon. Aur koi topic nahi hai. Waise bhi Puma koi kam babe nahi hai and she is single as well (winks at me)

Paddy: Haan yaar. Mazaa ayega uske saat kaam karne mei. Isliye maine usko apne team mei le liya doc banane mei.

Ashok: Yaar..us doc ke baare mei...Humne decide kiya hai ki mai aur Puma doc banyenge. Aur tu presentation banade.

Paddy: Mereko Ch@#$# samajh ke rakha hai. Mai kyon na uske saat karoon.

Ashok: Kyonki kal woh Pune jaa rahi hai

Praveen: To tu doc bana. Woh dono presentation banaenge.

Ashok: Nahi yaar. Kal mujhe bhi kaam hai. Mujhe use chodne station jaana hai.

Praven and Paddy break into laughter.

Paddy: To ye Ashok Travels suru kar raha hai. Kya rate hai be.

Ashok (blushing): Abe chod na..

Paddy: Abe tum dono pair mei kaam karoge to mai kya.......... you dont want me to complete the sentence...

Ashok: Mujhe pata hai tu bhadkega. Isliye maine Shalini ko bol diya ek aur vacancy hai humaare group mei. Woh kal se join karegi humei. Tu uske saat kaam kar.

Paddy: Ye kaun hai. Naam aajtak suna nahi. Saala aajkal MBA mei 800 log padte hain aur 12 batches hain. Kaunse batch mei kaun hai samajh mei nahi aata.

Ashok: Mere batch ki hai.

Paddy: Acha poora naam to bata.

Ashok: Khud dekh le.

Ye Shalini kaun hai. Kiski beti hai. Stay tuned to this space.

Written and Created by

The batty

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Nothing wierd about it!!!

It happened about 6 months ago. I was going through a personal low when suddenly one of my friends told me I was wierd. I normally let them pass, but not this time. I prodded her as to why she felt so. Though the explanation wasn't quite satisfactory she sensed a feeling I had taken it to heart and then said "Don't bother!! All of us are. " I actually took this to heart and started thinking how wierd people actually were. Hell!! People are.

I recently watched the movie Tashan. What a horrible movie! Comic stunts, crazy dialogues. Then suddenly a friend pointed out to me saying isn't that how all Rajinikanth movies are supposed to be. Hell No! I said. But as the movie went forward I thought it was the perfect script for a Rajinikanth movie. Its so wierd I can picture him doing the stunts and enjoying it but not an Akshay Kumar. Its so unbelievingly vague how we have pictured somethings in our mind and refuse to move out of that plane.

Ever wondered why its always Jerry who wins in Tom and Jerry cartoons. Can you picture a victorious Tom and still enjoy it? No! We want Jerry to win. So what if in real life its always the cat that gets the better of the mouse. In that cartoon it has to be Jerry. Thats the food and fodder "pharmoola". Ever read a Dr. Watson brainstorm winning a case for Sherlock Holmes. No. Even if there were we wouldn't have enjoyed it. How many people know for a fact that Sherlock Holmes himself, in the words of the author, said he has been duped by 3 women in the past. People refuse to acknowledge that. Can you picture a Marlon Brando becoming a Gandhian? Its wierd when it comes to Bollywood we have gone on to make dark-hero-dies-in-the-end movies to become classics. But when its comics or fiction we want the Jerries to win.

Lets get more specific now. My mom had a flat in Noida that we had rented out. The last person who had occupied the house was a Punjabi and created a lot of problems by not vacating it. After everything was settled my mom was hell bent against renting it out to Punjabi. We had to lock up the house for about an year without renting it out. The next year I accompanied my mom to Delhi, we had to pay some tax dues. We landed up in the wrong place and a person offered us to drop us at the right location. Here is the hitch: he was a Punjabi. Surprisingly my mom accepted the offer. Just when I was about to think my mom was over it, she asked me - "How much money do you think he expects from us? He is obviously not doing this for free. " I laughed. We rented our house to a south Indian for half the market price and after 2 years my mom tells me - " See, I told you. South Indians are safe bets. He hasn't given us any problem. " I told her - "Why would he? At half the price the house is a steal. He'll do whatever it takes to keep us happy. " When people become obsessed with a particular fact its hard to believe they aren't wierd.

My grandfather hates the Congress(read Sonia Gandhi) so much that he still keeps arguing Narsimha Rao was responsible for demolishing the Babri Masjid and not the right wing parties. There is this friend of mine who hates Tamil people because her family was once duped when they were in Chennai. Its wierd she happens to be one of my best friends. When I confronted her with this fact I expected a response "OK! Not all Tamil people are bad. " But instead this is what I got - " You were born in Delhi. You are a pseudo-south Indian. You are actually a north Indian." She refuses to acknowledge me as a south Indian. How about the fact that I watch Rajinikanth movies? No!! Thats just cos you are wierd. I just laughed.

Hey! But wait a minute. Wasnt this blog supposed to be about how wierd I was? Thats right. Lets see how it is. I'll explain it with an instance.

About two years ago when I joined NITIE, not surprisingly my room mate fell in love with a girl. During one of our outings I heard HIM tell HER how to get the glow on the skin and how curd helps in getting it. I laughed my stomach out. I told a mutual friend about how wierd that was and both of us laughed. Fast forward a week later, I happened to accidentally scan the mutual friend's gtalk chat messages with his "interest" and what do I find. Smileys being traded. She throws one smiley, our hero types two. When I asked him about it, he started smiling sheepishly. I asked him are both of you having a competition as to who is wierder? He gave me this bizarre explanation saying thats how you talk to girls. I got totally pissed off. I wanted to prove to him he was wrong. The next day when I was talking to the girl I was in love with, I decided I'll not use any of the "wierdo expressions" and you wont believe I didnt have words other than Yes, No, I dont know prompting her to ask me if I was doing ok. Its hard not to be wierd, I realised. It actually ended with my friends making a big issue out of catching me type three smileys in a row.

The point of this post is all of us are wierd. But why do people selectively acknowledge that some people are wierd? The reason according to me is, some people( read me) in an attempt not to be wierd and be a notch above the rest lose our original identities. These are the people who are "classified" as wierds. There is nothing wrong in being wierd. All of us are. People love us for our stupidities, our dogmatic ideas. Why try and be different? There is nothing wierd about it.

Signed,
Batty

P.S. For people with a keen eye, wierd is actually spelt "weird". I, on purpose, let it remain "wierd" throughout the post. In the first attempt everybody would spell it wierd. Why let a Microsoft correct us? There is nothing wierd about it.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

The fireman wants to hang his boots

Every 31st December evening for the past few years has been characteristic of two things: its the single biggest let-down of the year - all plans go haywire and you end up spending it at an uncle's place or in some crappy restaurant waiting for your turn to get in. The other is resolutions. I cant think of the last resolution that I made and kept. This is about one such resolution: Hanging the fireman boots.

Relationship management, wikipedia defines as, a multifaceted process, that focuses on creating two-way exchanges so that they have an intimate knowledge of each others' needs and wants.

If this definition were so crystal clear to everyone and they followed it religiously why would there ever be problems in relationships. In this post I am going to throw some "free" gyaan that would make my presence or advise in such a situation, as a relationship manager or the disaster management dude Batty, redundant. I am slowly phasing out my role as a personal consultant for a reason that is still not obvious to some people: I have never been in a relationship. I have no clue as to what you are asking. Cant you see what am emphasizing is textbook definition of relationship management because I just want to help? But for some reason I have earned the tag that I have started to hate - The disaster management guy, the fireman who can extinguish any fire. TIME OUT!!! I am hanging my boots.

Here they go....

1. Listening is the foundation of any relationship. Trust me!! An hmm.. hmm... when the other person speaks his/her heart out makes a lot of difference.
2. Do not take a decision when in a vulnerable situation - take a break, let your emotions go for a country ride and then take a call. Think of both the good moments and bad moments that you have shared and which prevails.
3. Corollary to the previous: Never take advantage of a vulnerable person. He/She is bound to like you back. That doesn't last. It is easy to push a person walking on the edge over a cliff, but remember he/she takes you down as well. Be a friend and save the relationship. That earns more brownie points than the former.
4. Pretense of character and nobility doesn't work wonders. Its like intra-day trading. At the end of the day you got to square off your positions.
5. I miss you, I like you don't alone count as leads that the other sex throws. There is a minimum barrier and a maximum barrier to these leads. In that band go for it. Below it, its too early. Above it, what the heck were you doing? The person is already searching for alternatives. Make a dash.
6. The essence of relationship management is to make every customer realize that he/she is the most valuable customer. Giving a person that feeling of importance does not make you any less.
7. If something embarrassing has transpired between friends, the onus of starting a conversation and talking falls on the person who has said No and not on the other. The latter is a shattered person. Its upto the former to make him/her realize how important and relevant he/she still is? By avoiding the person you will have won the battle but lost a good friend in that attempt.
8. Never use a messenger or in-between or sms as an alternative to talking. Face-to-face conversations or hearing the voice of loved ones rekindles old and supposedly lost fire.
9. Don't have unrealistic expectations about anyone. Everyone lives for himself/herself. That doesn't make a person anymore selfish or anyless caring. Every person is meant to be so.
10. The most important one: Never take the advise of a third person on how to handle your relationship. You are the best judge. Just stick to the textbook definition and the above lines and you'll find the world a better place to live in. That third person includes me. All I have tried to do when people have come to me with problems is take their emotions on a country ride; de-clog them so that they can make a sane decision.

Criticisms to this post are unwelcome as you are really not the target audience. In retrospect when you become one, please go through this and you will see the relevance.

To insinuations of gyaan-baazi and a fart-post, agree. This is one. But to each his motivation for writing something. I promised a friend a post a week.

Signed,
Batty

Author's note: As much as this blog is close to me, I really need another platform for my forthcoming compilation. So I shall be visible on http://www.letterstomydad.wordpress.com/ as well which goes live sometime next week. Watch out for that space to get some real quality anecdotes in my life - some emotional, some funny, some embarassing but all true as letters to my dad.


Saturday, April 12, 2008

If only they had...

In the course of marketing I have learnt that no publicity is bad to revive a dying brand. This entry does by no means fall under that category. I don't intend getting cheap hits on my blog by raking a controversy. There is this one distinct incident in my childhood that I cant help relate to present developments. I just thought I'll share it with everybody. Comments on the entry might please be restricted to the purview of the incident described below and not extrapolated to the author's insinuations.

X: Are you insane? Don't touch that. It will cut your fingers.

Me: Why are you anyways making it? Cant we just get it outside for like 10 bucks?

X: Its kite-flying and its war. If you just get any string outside, ours would be the first one that goes down. All we need to do is let this stuff boil and then apply it on the string with a stick and the day is ours.

Me: All the pain for seeing others' kites go down. What sort of a place is this? Looks like an undertaker's bungalow.

X: Shut the f**k up. This is my balcony.

Me: Dood, aren't you afraid your mom is gonna shout at you?

X: For what?

Me: Well previously I thought your scientific kite logic was a problem, but I fear your language more now.

X: Oh! She doesn't care. I just told her we are doing an experiment for school.

Me: Yeah, like she is dumb to believe that

X: She is. Trust me. I am more educated than her.

Me: Nonsense! We are in eighth grade. Oh...OK...

X: By the way, how did your mom take it this morning? She seemed pretty pissed.

Me: Pretty well. No problem.

_______________________________________________
A few minutes ago:
Mom: I know he did it. Don't try and lie to me. How many times have I told you to find better friends?

Me: Mom! I was batting and he was bowling. It was my shot that broke the glass.

Mom: So what. He leaves you and runs away so that you can take on the neighbors.

Me: I was supposed to run away too. But I didn't. He did what he was supposed to. And its 50 bucks, why are you making an issue out of it?

Mom: The issue is not money, it is company. Don't you have any Brahman friends?

Me: What does Brahman have to do with friends? Do I go asking people what caste they are before making friends? We should have never moved out of Delhi. You have ruined my life.
(Storm out)
_______________________________________________

X: Its all your fault. You should have run. Anyways, your mom is not upset, so why bother?

Me: Their son studies with me in the same school. How do I run away from that fact? I meet him everyday. Its easy for you to say. You don't study in that school

X: I would have loved to study in that school, but .... forget it

Me: Its a school and your dad is like a millionaire. You can join the school anytime you want. Whats the problem?

X: My dad says that's a Brahman school and its better for me to study in a school that's nearby.

Me: Whats a Brahman got to do with school?

X: I dunno. My parents say its an exclusive club and you'll be left out. And who cares? I'll study till I want to and then move to my father's business.

Me: Business? My mom hates that word. She has already plans laid out for me. IIT and go abroad.

X: Abroad? Do you have somebody there?

Me: Most of my relatives are there. So my mom says they will guide me. How about yours?

X: All my relatives are in the village. We first moved to the city because of dad's business.

Me: I have also heard that there is a lot of money in business. But don't you think a degree is required before you take over the business. Just in case.

X: Who cares about education? I am not good at it anyways. When I say I get a 60, my mom hugs me.

Me: Well me too for a 90 but the next statement is always why not a 95. I better be good at this. Why don't you move to our school? It will be great. We can play cricket together.

X: I don't think so. You have got your own group there - "your" friends. I am better off here.

Me: Oh..cm on. Do you really think I am like that?

X: Oh yeah, so why didn't you attend our family function I had invited you for?

Me: Well...hmm... Hey!! That pot is boiling. Its ready. Lets hit the roof.


Fast forward - 2008 January.

Me: Hey!! This place has changed a lot. It ain't the same when I left it years ago.

Y: Yup, it has. So how have you been?

Me: Well, my MBA is over and I am joining ICICI bank. How about you?

Y: I am with Sathyam. Still a coder. :)

Me: How are the others? How is X? Kinda lost touch with him. Its been ages.

Y: He is with a printing press. Comes home pretty late.

Me: Bugger. I knew he would get into his father's business. Always said he would.

Y: Well, actually no! He quit his education after 12th and joined his father's business. It ran into a loss and they had to shut down. I couldn't help him because everywhere they asked for a degree. Wish he had continued his education. Wish there was somebody to guide him.

Me: Oh... Stare into emptiness

Fast forward - April 11th 2008

Supreme Court upholds OBC quota. Protesters claim the creamy layer has to be left out. The rich segment in the OBC category already have everything. They have access to education, resources. What else do they want? Why include them in the quota? They have everything.

Me(thinking): If only they had...

Signed,
Barat Ramkumar a.k.a. Batty

P.S.: Whatever I am today, I owe a lot to this society, my parents, their guidance and so many other factors. I just don't have the heart to speak against those who are deprived of the above. Money doesn't maketh a man. I am not pro-reservation, neither do my emotions allow me to be anti. GODSPEED.


Friday, April 04, 2008

Daddy's back




Apologies to the thousands(read nil) following my blog for my prolonged absence. In trying to explore a writer within, I had created a cyber-persona I don't even remotely relate to. So this is an attempt at mainstream blogging.

Phew!!! So much has changed in my life since my voluntary break. So let me start off by putting down a few disjoint incidents. The contrast and the irony would be obvious. Yesterday refers to a Batty sometime ago.

Yesterday: Dude!! Guess what!! Batty cracked an ICICI RM profile. That guy doesn't know the ABC of Fin. Man!! He can pull one on anybody. He is all but a bag of air.

Today: (Office talk overheard) Man that guy has a future. You know the kind of analysis he did on that complex proposal. I heard the National Credit Manager has offered him a post and location of choice . He is made for finance. MBA does teach a lot of finance. I should have opted for it instead of CA.

Yesterday: Hey!! There is this woman that I really like. But am not sure whether she does too. I think I will just sit and watch her. Its win-win. I am happy being with her and she doesn't have to slap me.

Today: So.. I took her to the fancy Thai hotel down the road. Believe it or not. She was blown away. Apparently it was a candle light nite. She smsed me she had a great time. But I laid off. Its getting too serious. I just wanted to see if I still had it in me. I dun wanna give her any ideas.

So what has changed me? Is there at all a change? No. Its all in the attitude. You believe you can do something. There is no stopping. Daddy's back, baby!!!

I never knew just 10 push-ups a morning to shrug off sleep can have a co-working babe thinking I gym everyday. Evidence that there are dumb girls for auction on a platter. Interested parties please note.

I never knew speaking smooth English and Linkin Park can make a boss disbelieve I dont have a girlfriend. "Dont tell me you dont have one. Cmon, you dont have to feel shy." The last time I decided not to, I made a complete ass of myself in front of my best friend. But I said "I am not the one-girl-guy"

Before I sign off, an interesting conversation I overheard in office when there was very little work.

A: You are wrong. There is a difference between a factory and a ship. You cant physically move a factory but a ship can.

Me and my super-boss stop over to overhear.

B: But how about this. The ship is on a vast mass of water which is similar to land. So you cant steal a ship and hide it in your pocket.

Now. me and my super-boss are wowed. We started taking interest in the conversation.

A: Dont make dumb arguments. A ship is a ship and a factory is a factory. One is movable and the other is immovable.

C: No, he is right. If you stand inside a factory and shout this is mine. Its the same as standing inside a ship and shouting this is mine wherever the ship goes.

Now both of us are laughing our stomachs out.

B: Hey Batty! Cmon you tell me ship and a factory are the same.

Batty:(in a fix - one is the boss and the other a very senior person) Well....I dunno what to say. I have to agree ships can move at the same time you can claim both are yours as long as its not me shouting Its mine

Super-Boss(Laughing out loud): I can see that there is no work guys. But dont you think this has gone a little too far. Ships and Factories are different. Lets put an end to this.

A: See, I told you!! Thats why the security charge on a ship is hypothecation and one on a factory is mortgage eventhough both are submitted as collaterals against term-loans.

Me and my super-boss look at each other(foot in the mouth) - They were really discussing business

Adios,
Batty

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Big Boys Dont Cry!!!

I dare do all that may become a man; Who dares do more is none - Macbeth

My memories of my life in Delhi, though vague, are a regular feature of my nostalgic process.

I lived in a suburb called Mayur Vihar, on the banks of Yamuna and had my school(Somerville) in Noida. Everyday I had to carry a truck load of books, wear an overcoat cos it was winter and hear my grandfather saying "Cmon big guy, jog in the fog". And by the time you reach the banks of Yamuna, puffing and panting to catch the bus, it would have left. I would curse the situation(Bunk school??). No way. Now it would have to be my grandfather's Bajaj. I just love my school bus sleeps. BIG BOYS DONT SLEEP.

One day the bus which normally takes me to sleep(oops school) met with an accident, it overturned. The lazy guy I am I dont normally take off my bag while going to sleep. Picture this! On top of me was this bag, on top of which was a broken seat on top of which was a gal relaxing and whispering for help. I was squealing at the top of my voice. I reached for my hand somehow and started beating the gal above me left and right which made her shout for help. After the heroic way out, I saw everybody crying. I had a few bruises as well. But I had another concern. I was looking for my class teacher. Where was she? Yeah! I found her. There she was. Ma'am, ma'am!!! Are you hurt, Barat? Ma'am, should we still goto school?

I found her in the van seated in a corner, still crying. Was she hurt or was it because my hand graced her body a little enthusiastically( ok...fine....beat her). This was going to be my very first act of chivalry. I went and sat beside her. She looked at me. I couldnt look at her. She showed me her elbow and said its paining. I gave her a smile of vindication.I didnt do it. She touched my elbow and asked me doesnt it hurt for you. It did badly. Why arent you crying? No, BIG BOYS DONT CRY. Her name was Miss M.

Mayur Vihar, is divided into pockets and each pocket has a playground attached to it. I loved playing cricket there because I really sucked at it. You could score a zero and the cutie pie would never know. My first attempt to ride a bicycle was there as well. There was this close friend of mine I used to hate cos he was good at cricket, looked cool and the next door cutie pie seemed to like him and not me. He would always challenge me to a game of cricket and the man I am I wouldnt refuse. It would be a 2 man game with her looking out from her house. The winner would be invited inside her house for Roohafsa(pardon the spelling - a summer drink). I would cry that I lost and usually chose building corners to vent them out. One of those days Miss M actually saw me crying and walked upto me and asked me "But you said Big Boys dont cry?" I wiped my tears off and smiled "YES. BIG BOYS DONT CRY." Its just some dirt that had gone into my eyes while playing.

There was a big crowd. It was a funeral. I didnt know back then. People were crying. Some anxious. I was confused. People didnt tell me what happened. I couldnt understand. One of my uncles walked upto me, lifted me up, gave me a five star and told me. "Dont worry son, your dad will be with you always." BIG BOYS DONT CRY. What are you talking about? Its the fire and smoke thats hurting me. And yeah whats up with Dad!!!I was just 8 years old.

It has been 17 years since then. I am a BIG BOY now. I dont know what transformed me then, but I grew along to become an atheist and a loner. With a grudge against the unfairness meted out to me by Him, I swore to myself I'll rewrite my own fate. Not wanting to take anybody's help, add to my mom's concern and show an apparent weakness, I learnt everything the hardway meeting a lot of failures. With a strong sense of logic and rationale, I removed the emotional quotient out of every equation and tackled all my difficulties easily.Professionally, I call myself successful. I might not be from a world class institute, not even comparable to the best brains, but I can shape my career the way I want to, talk myself out of any situation, talk myself into any situation. People call me intelligent, people call me stud. They say I have good grasping powers. People come to me for help and advise. When they ask me how I handle failures in a mature way, I tell myself why not. I have seen it all. I am a BIG BOY. WHY SHOULD BIG BOYS CRY? I have never.

They say a man cannot be happy both personally and professionally. I wanted to prove it wrong. I have always believed that to be successful one needs to have a strong value system and the courage to be true to it. I have tried to help anyone and everyone in need irrespective of their gender and age. I have had the guts to be honest and outspoken most of the times. People come to me with problems and I make them see sense. I advise people on relationships though have never been in one. BIG BOY DOESNT CRY. I wanted a change. I had seen it all. I wanted to move out of my house, see the world. That is when I moved into a business school.

It was a long walk down the PPO road in solitude. The dazzling reflection of light down her curves made it look sensuous. But insensitive to sensuality and lost in my thoughts, I was in deep introspection of the year that had passed. It is just amazing how the whole world has changed in an year. Over the 25 years, never once have I questioned my convictions. I have answered situations through my convictions. This past one year, every situation has questioned my conviction. I suddenly find myself lost in a jungle. I have never felt more afraid to speak out my mind. People seem to be talking amongst themselves and I have to read their message from the expressions they give me and sometimes go behind them as well. When I came here people mockingly welcomed me to the "civilised world". Yet in this past one year, I have heard sober comments and seen some sober actions that I wouldnt have even imagined when am frustrated and sloshed. In a period of one year, I have earned adjectives like arrogant, dominant, egoistic and some censored. Gimmicks about my physical appearance, have become pronounced to such an extent that it leaves some bad taste. Comments on size, style, hair, eyebrows have made me wonder and wanting to ask - Is there any part of my body which is actually acceptable? I have never reacted to criticism and taken jokes in the most lively manner that could be called nothing short of self-mockery. But this seems to be a world focussed on a tailor-made value system, diplomacy and physical appearance - all but a shallow crust of the rock of character.

People there call me a non-conformist and people here dont allow me to be a conformist. Where do I belong? Whenever I feel low, my sense of rationale and logic step in for a situational analysis of the problem. Today as I deal with a problem for which I know no solution exists and a fear that the only way out is surviving this, I yearn for company, for friendship, for love. I reach out into emptiness. I suddenly want to believe in God. I want to believe in emotions. I want to relate with people better. Amidst all the criticism am subjected to, the hope fuelling my life is a friendship or a love that can give me a hug, like me for what I am, how I am and why I am, tell me am a good and a true friend. If I have put my thoughts in a simple manner today, its not a conscious, but a choked attempt. My emotions have choked my flow of thoughts and words. WHY CANT BIG BOYS CRY? BIG BOY WANTS TO CRY!!!

Signed, Barat Ramkumar