The Twisted Trajectory

For Us

2010-03-14T21:04:00.010+05:30

Disclaimer: All the characters in the story are fictional and bear no resemblance to anybody living or dead. In an attempt to challenge the writer within I might have created characters but the feelings and the emotion exuded are true to my conscience and are as I would have reacted to such a situation.

Prologue:

I stared at him for the nth time. The color had gone out of his face and his eyes looked tired and deprived of sleep for years. Was it the mirror or him - there was no way to know. The door slowly opened. It was magical. I cant believe I still get tongue-tied everytime I see her - first time in the college lawns she walked down those steps and winked at me, first tme she told me she loved me too, everytime I try and argue with her. When I first told my mom I wanted to marry her, she asked me angrily - What was I thinking. I held her hand and said - "I always did. Today I am not." I dont know if I wish today I had. I just wanted things to be the same - as they were. She passed me an envelope and I didn't have to look inside. I looked at her "Cant we still talk and work things out?" She raised an eyebrow that said it all. I once jokingly told her in college that everytime she did that she was cute and I would give whatever she wanted. This is what she wanted and I couldn't say no. For 3 years I had been taking decisions for us and today she wanted to - for us. "Its not college anymore and this is real. The choices we make have to be the best for us. For us." She looked at me and winked. "Please don't do that. I said I'll think about it." "Its not that. Your towel is slipping."

The Journey:

It was raining cats and dogs and I reached out for my jacket from inside the ambassador. I bid goodbye to the factory manager and got inside the car. There was a huge crowd outside the factory that had gathered and they all folded their hands as my car passed them. I looked questioningly at my driver. He laughed and said "Those are for you, sir. Its not often that a public sector bank officer visits this area. You represent whatever small development work that happens here." I smiled and reached for something that pricked my jacket from the inside. It was the envelope that my wife had given to me this morning. I was still undecided. It was a tough call to take. The car screeched to a halt at the toll gate. The toll booth officer represented a typical Hindi movie policeman - flashlight in his hands, a revolver that could have rested on the paunch than the pouch and a paan in his mouth. Who and where to? After the routine process of checking the car he let us pass with a warning. Dont stop anywhere. The place is risky. Drive right away. 120kms to Baroda.

I looked at the envelope in my hand and closed my eyes. It was a fine evening and the greenery in the lawns was hard not to notice. There was a lake near enough for us to gaze and far enough for us to feel lazy. My head was buried in her lap and she was quite busy with her book. I shook my head a little and she said "No. Not now. Have got my interview in some time." I raised my head - "No. Not that. I received a call from Mr. Javalekar. He wants me to join the bank. I wanted to make sure you are ok with it." She placed the book aside and raised her one eyebrow and winked. I closed my eyes and said - "You are so cute. Thanks." "Now wish me luck". "Finish your interview. We are leaving for Lonavla early tomorrow morning. And here is your goodluck". The kiss lasted 2 mins but seemed like forever. The car braked hard that I almost fell in front. "Sorry sir, The front tyre seems to have flattened. Will need about 15 minutes time. Please sit inside."

I looked out and it was still drizzling. I emptied my pockets of all the visiting cards and wallet that I had inside the car and stepped outside. A cool breeze of moist air welcomed me. I went to an isolated bench by the roadside and sat down. Did I let her down in anyway? Was I not able to give her the life she wanted? Maybe she deserved someone better. "Hi!" I heard a voice and looked up. " My name is Farhan Hussain. I work for Tide Technologies Pvt Limited, here in Ankleswar. Can I get a lift in your car till Baroda?" I looked at him questioningly. I got reminded of the policeman "Well... I dont know if there is space" He smiled and said. " I am sure your car

has space enough to accomodate one more person, but you are not sure whether it should be a Farhan, isnt it?" It was way too blunt and true to be thrown at me. I immediately went defensive. "What? No! I was just unsure if my company would be ok with it. " "I dont think any MNC bank has issued travel advisories against Muslims. I am really sorry. I desperately want a ride." It was tough to refuse after that. "Well you will have to wait till the car tyres are changed

and there is a broken bridge near Bharuch as well. Damn the rains!" "I know. This is a tough route. But if you are going to Baroda, I can lead you from the inside of Ankleswar and Bharuch. Its a little circutous downstream of Narmada but the roads are better. You give me a ride and Inshaah Allah I will show you where to go." Hearing that last sentance gave me creeps but I wasnt sure I had anything to live safely for either. How am I going to tell my mom? It was a

stupid fight. I had never meant to say she can go her own way if she chooses to. I did have a couple of days to respond to the notice though as per my wife.

"So what is it working like in an MNC bank? They pay you good?" I dont know from where he got the idea that I worked in an MNC bank, but I didnt want to deny it. For long I have been thinking what would it be like working for an MNC. Let me live the moment. Well! They pay good but equally there is a lot of pressure to perform as well." "Engineer and MBA from premier institute right?" I smirked. Yes. "Atleast the MNC banks are far better than the public sector

banks where people can bribe their way through the system." I just smiled and let it pass.

"Trust me! Money, love and water always find their way through the system. Have you ever been in love? Its a wonderful feeling." I was wondering if at all there was a mute button on this man. "I am getting married next month to my sweetheart and I cant tell you how happy I am. She is from my village. Fell in love with her the moment I saw her. She loves me as well. She says she will do anything for me. Stand by me for everything." "Really...and you believe that. Imagine tomorrow you are fired from your job or you arent earning enough to suit her lifestyle. Do you really think the "purity" of your love would still score over "practiality." He kept staring at me and I suddenly found it very awkward. "I am not saying she will. I am saying be practical thats all. Life is not a bed of roses."

There was an awkward silence for about 10 minutes before which he started - " I think I should have told you something before I invited all the comments from you. I am the son of a tailor in my village and she is the daughter of the manager of a factory near my village. I fell in love with her before I knew her background. The people in the village are dead against the factory because it exits all its effluents into the Narmada whose holy waters we use for irrigation. I had represented a lot of times to them saying water will make its way through the stream and will affect our living. But they are insistent and they are going to build another boiler which they have sold it to the villagers as an effluent treatment plant. I am working in this software company just to fund the struggle against that factory." My eyelids popped out. "What did you say was the name of the factory manager?" "Mr. Shah". I silently collected the visiting cards that I had dropped on the seat and put them inside. "Anyways, my point is she knows all this and still she loves me. She likes me because of who I am and not what I do. Someday I would also want to work in a bank like you and I will give all this rebellion up as well one day - when she thinks its

enough. Its hard to win an argument with her. Love does find its way through the streams.And even assuming she does want me to change jobs after we are married - I will because I knew she speaks for us." For us - Thats exactly what she said. Thats what she always says.

It was a long hilly trek and it was 7 in the morning. I had woken her up just so that we could have some time together. Just the two of us. She was not too keen with the idea but she never said No to me and loved my surprises. I carried a box with me which she didnt ask what it contained. She was excited. I told her I had a surprise for her in Lonavla. She had gotten the job and I was settled as well. She was tired and the hike was steep. I offered to carry her. I dont know why I did that, but I didnt want her to faint when I did actually take her up there. It was a sort of anti-climax. It took us 2 hours to get on top and I dropped the box that I had brought along. I just had a couple of minutes to go before the sun spoiled it all but I did make it. We were in heaven,

amongst the clouds. There were twin mountains visible and it was her. I took her hand and asked her to marry me. She was overwhelmed and hugged me tightly and the sun came out. I put my thumbs up and said to him Thanks for waiting! She asked me "What was in that box by the way" I sighed and said "Never mind". She raised her eyebrow winked and said "This one is For us." Thats the best kiss we ever had and today when I think of it I feel what have I done to lose it all.

The car came to a screeching halt again. "This is where I get down. Thanks for the ride." I smiled and said "Don't thank me for the ride. Thank me for what I am going to do." There was a questioning expression on his face as I left him. On the ride home I fished with the envelope and opened it. I shall accept whatever is inside and move on I promised myself. I was pleasantly surprised on opening it. Inside was an offer letter from an MNC bank and not a notice as I had imagined to be. For us had meant a way forward for both of us and not us individually. A drop of tear fell down my cheek as I realised I had never ever lived a For us moment. I only relished her saying it. I had promised I would accept whatever was inside and this was going to be it. I made a call and told my boss I would be resigning the next day and something I owed Farhan - rejecting the loan proposal of the factory.

That evening a bottle of wine and roses greeted my wife along with something she hadn't seen in sometime - a smile on my face. I told her "Sorry I had dropped this box when I carried you to that hilltop in Lonavla. Picked it up on the way." She gave me the biggest grin I had seen in a long time and told her I had accepted the envelope. Her smile disappeared and suddenly the eyebrow went up and she winked - "For me?" " No - For us!"

Written by,

Batty

P.S. Eventually the loan was sanctioned after I quit but I was not complaining. Everyday I wake up to a raised eyebrow and a wink. Farhan was right - Money, love and water do find their way through the stream.

The Stalker

2009-02-01T22:55:00.023+05:30

Note: I apologize for my prolonged absence in this sphere. I have 5 scripts which are in the draft stage and guess what!! I stumble into this. As always the standard disclaimer shall follow:

Disclaimer: All the characters in the story are fictional and bear no resemblance to anybody living or dead. In an attempt to challenge the writer within I might have created characters but the feelings and the emotion exuded are true to my conscience and are as I would have reacted to such a situation.

Stalk: To follow or observe (a person) persistently, especially out of obsession or derangement.

This is my 7th trip to Mumbai in as many months and the schedule remains pretty much the same. Bunk the Friday. Take the 11:45 AM train. Yet! This is the third time I have had to catch the train while it was on the move. Its surprising how much I have gotten used to the "gas chambers". To give you a background, "the gas chamber" is my grandfather's unique way of waking me up. Unlike other elders he does not shake you up or shriek loudly into your ears or in short does not make a la-ghost appearance in your romantic dreams. He walks into your room, switches the A/C and the fans off; closes all the doors and windows and a very familiar smell of sweat ruins your otherwise rose filled gardens of romance. And thus the gas chamber name that chokes you awake. But surprisingly I have gotten so much used to it or maybe my dreams are clogged of dark-room client visits that I don't make out the difference.

Anyways I get up at 10:30 and realize I have an appointment to keep. So, 30th January 2009, 11:45 AM and I am still outside Central Station quarreling with the Autowaala. I throw a 100 at him and dash inside. The train is already half way down the platform and instead of Kajol its a pantry-car dood throwing up a hand to pull me in. After emptying a one litre water bottle, I slowly take the ticket out of my bag to check my reservation. S5, 72. 72? Does it really exist. Oh! Why not? Just the one near the loo. What luck! The consolation though was there was a foyer like space between the loo and my berth. How I wished that would absorb the smell as much as the wait-listed passengers haunting your berths?

Apparently as my luck would have it, my obsession of traveling light was taken by mom too seriously. She made my bag real light. No change of jeans, a hand-kerchief sized towel and to top it all no blanket. That was her way of saying "You are old enough to pack,!" At least she threw in a couple of books. Actually - amazing books. The best non-fiction and fiction books I have ever read would be on this journey( Liar's Poker - Michael Lewis and A thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini). Both of them deserve a special blog mention. So lets reserve them for later. As I laid back all the items in the bag, I took temporary shelter in the opposite seat. A shrill voice shrieked " Ye humaara seat hai!" I was taken aback for a moment. It was a middle-aged woman who had come as a family of four which included two F 21s and the sacrilege I committed was I was seated beside one. I politely replied " I'll shift as soon as I am done with my packing. " Surprisingly the fourth sat between me and one of the F21s. I was amused and hurt at the same time. I was wearing formal shoes, a clean and normal black jeans, a decent tee with a respectable face. But that wasn't only why I was hurt. I knew they were F 21s only from the reservation list. Otherwise I would have mistaken them for married ladies in their late 30s who had cooked their faces in frying pans instead of food. Pardon the harsh thoughts, thats how mad I was.

I quickly stood up and started placing my bag in the upper berth that I heard another Excuse me. I am tired of this. Cant a man stand anywhere he wants! I looked behind and what I saw made my face go blank and my eyelids shut so slowly making sure I had captured it in my mind. An angel with beautiful eyes and just the right-shaped nose with a pretty smile on her face. From my height, the next thing I saw was how deep her cleavage ran. But the shutters shut too quickly as soon as they realized they were being watched by the very same eyes. It took another Excuse me for the Qutab Minar to sway across and let the angel pass. This is going to be my day, I thought as I sat down with my book. Hours passed and during one of my occasional breaks I saw the angel cross again. This time I saw her walk from a distance and my eyes just wouldn't leave her eyes. Nothing turns on a guy more than deep, expressive eyes. Well!! Almost nothing, to be true. I just closed the shutters and the gardens of roses reappeared. Not long, a smell more nauseating than sweat were right in front of me. Seat 72 was my grandfather's way of saying, you escaped my gas chamber, here is my revenge. I switched positions and sat on the other side.

About half-hour later I saw the angel again passing by me. This time the shutters didn't close so fast but were puzzled and quizzed her waistline. For a person who frequents the pantry, she has an awesome waistline. This obsession wasn't received too well by her eyes and they gave a disgusting look. Embarrassed, I went back to my book. That was so aweful! Why do I make it look so obvious? It was late and the number of passengers eying me to shut down the lights seemed to be increasing. I switched off the lights and went to sleep. It was colder than I thought it would be and I tried to wriggle a lot in the child-berth they had provided me that I almost fell off. The foyer was filled with people sleeping on the floor that it took an effort to go past them to the doors. I opened the door and a cool breeze freshened my senses. I was just about to close the door that something made me turn back and I saw someone passing by it to the next compartment. It must be her! It must be her! I quickly closed the door, bolted it and looked she was gone. The eternal debate began! Should I? Shouldn't I? I looked at the watch and it showed 3AM. It was a split second decision and I had made up my mind.

Its so dark. Where could she have gone? And how far is the pantry-car from this compartment. I kept walking till the pantry car showed up and not her. I shouldn't have. That was so dumb but I wasn't getting any sleep either. So I walked past gloomily. Hi! I turned back and there she was. The dim foyer light was enough for me to take a glance at her shining face. Hi! I am Antra.

Me: Hi!
Antra: Were you following me or something?
Me: No.. No..no...no... I was actually going to the pantry
Antra: At 3 in the morning. Really?
Me(blushing): Well!!!
Antra(smiling): I know. No blanket. No sleep. Right?
Me(questioningly): Yeah! But...
Antra: You are shivering and you are carrying a light bag. So I figured out.
Me: Have you been observing me?
Antra(sarcastically): Yeah! Sure!! Humor yourself! So which MBA college did you pass out from?
Me: MBA? How? Ok! For how long have you been stalking me?
Antra: You were reading Liar's Poker. So I took a guess. Fresh pass out?
Me(amazed): You are good
Antra: Well! I observed your bags and books while your eyes were running all over me.
Me(taken aback, embarrassed): What! No, they were not. Thats..Thats so blunt. Why would you think so?
Antra: Because, I saw so.
Me: It was just a casual glance. I swear. It didn't mean anything. Actually...
( I told her what happened with the two F 21s earlier this morning)
Antra: Oh...ok. That's bad!
Me: I know! I mean I have been mistaken for a geek in the past, but not a ruffian. Come on!! So?
Antra: So?
Me: Now do you believe?
Antra(smiling): Would you let it go. You are making way too big a deal. Its normal for guys to ogle at gals as long as its short and is not followed by any comments.
Me: Hmm.. So gals look at guys too? (stealing a glance from the corner of the eye)
Antra: Well...only the good looking ones. (Smiles mischievously). We usually stalk the other geeks to make fun of them.
Me: I am not a geek. I said I was mistaken for one.
Antra: Why do you get so worked up? Geeks are supposed to be good too.
Me: Yeah. In like academics. I am poor in that too. For God's sake ask my friends.
(Hearty laugh)
Antra: I have to leave. I am feeling sleepy
Me:(please don't) Suddenly discovered you had a blanket!!
Antra: (turns around) Lucky me! My mom doesn't pack mine. I do it myself. (Leaves)
Me(takes a moment for it to strike): How did she know?

Should I? Shouldn't I? Crash it. Its a half-a-day journey tomorrow. I'll run into her.

That was the last I saw of her. The next afternoon after searching the whole train thrice, I came back to my seat. Was it all just a dream? Was I imagining stuff? There was only one way to find out. The TTR was at my seat checking tickets. I quietly took the list when he was chatting with a fellow-mate from his native place and checked all the names for an Antra. No..No...No...No...No...No...No Antra Thats it. How can it all just be a dream? I gloomily sank into the seat while a shrill voice pricked my ear - "Yeh humaara seat hai" OH MY GOD!!! This was too much. I had to give it back. "Ye railways ka seat hai" and I picked up my bags and got down. If only!! If only!!

Epilogue:

Its 8: 30 PM. My sister said my return ticket was confirmed. How come it is not listed. I called her up and verified once again. Yes it was confirmed. She advised me to get into the train and ask the TTR. I did and the TTR gave me the lists and asked me to check. No..No...No...No...No...No...Thats it. No my name. I told the TTR and he said "Son, that's the reserved list you are looking at. For the RAC passengers who got confirmed after the chart has been prepared there is a separate post script with those names. Check there." Thats' it. That's where I didn't check. And that's why she didn't have a berth to sleep that night. She was in the RAC list. Damn! How did I not see that? Its not just a list. Its a confirmation that I had my first female stalker.

Written by,
Batty

Where does a win-win leave the employee?

2008-09-18T23:16:00.002+05:30

This is an incident as narrated to me by one of my friends in the treasury department of a reputed bank. I shall not name him and the bank because being a banker myself I should not be seen as a person who cries foul about other banks. This is to highlight the macro-issue of work culture we are all subjected to these days.

The trading house is an insulated department from the "real bank" not just geographically but in all respects. While we get a confirmation from the client, get an acceptance letter signed and setup the limit; the treasury department first books a deal, gets the acceptance signed and gives a confirmation on the deal.

There are two kinds of clients: one who blindly trust the dealer's advise; the other trusts his/her own instinct and forces the dealer to close his position. My friend met a third kind.

Friend: Sir, this is the wrong time to close your position. Just wait for a couple of days, the dust will settle down and then we can make an informed decision.

Client: I don't want to lose any money. My WC requirements are tight and I cant afford any slip-ups.

Friend: Sir, you have to trust my judgment. This is really not the right time. I assure you there will not be any slip ups. Your position is secure. Don't touch it now.

Client: I don't know. My gut says now is the time. Anyways, you are the expert. I trust you.

Friend: Thank you sir!! You won't regret it.

Client hangs up. Calls dealer 2 in the same bank.

Client: I want to close my position now.

Dealer2: Sir, I don't handle your account. I am not authorized to.

Client: He is not available. Should I wait for him to come and see my money going down the drain?

The dealer 2 is an new employee. He has been taught by his boss to put the customer first. He starts sweating.

Dealer2: Sir, we are out here to help you. I just hope he is in the loop. I shall close the deal for you and send you the confirmation.

Client: Yes, please do.

Dealer2 closes the deal. The next day there is a sharp dip and the client realizes he has lost 40 lakhs. At the same time he gets the acceptance letter that needs to be signed. Now the client starts to sweat. He sits on that letter and doesn't respond to it.

After 2 days:

Boss in bank: Sir, we have not received your payment as yet.

Client: What payment? Who had asked you to close the position? Why was it done without my permission?

Boss in bank: Sir, there has to be an explanation. I am sure Dealer 1(Friend) did it with your permission.

Client: I had specifically discussed this and we agreed not to close the position. Please assign me another set of dealers. This is not done. I don't want to see Dealer 1's face again.

Client slams the phone

Boss: Did the client ask you to keep the position open.

Friend: (totally unaware) Yes sir. He did.

Boss fires my friend left and right and gives hoards of gyaan about customer trust and ethics. He is not given a chance to speak. At last he is ordered to visit the client and apologize to him personally.

Now!! This was a situation even the client had not seen coming. He just thought the dealers would change. My friend arrives at the client's place. The client is embarrassed. He starts sweating

Client: I am really very sorry. I should never have put your job on the line. It was all my fault.

Friend: (just back from the gyaan of customer first) No problem sir. I would have probably done the same thing if I were in your shoes. I am here to propose to you another deal that would cut your losses(40 lakhs) by 1/4th.

Client: I trust you this time. Please do so, and once more I am really very sorry.

My friend goes back, works out a deal and goes to his boss.

Friend: Boss, I have done some damage control. I have found a quote for the client that would reduce his loss to 5 lakhs.

Boss: Hmm... Quote higher. That is not a favorable quote.

Friend: But sir, this quote would limit his loss.

Boss: Do as I say and the client reduces his loss to 8 lakhs and we make 3L on the transaction. You are an MBA, you should know how to make a transaction win-win. Our side of the win is equally important.

Friend closes the transaction. Boss shoots him a mail of appreciation marking all national heads. As a reply to that mail my friend tenders his resignation.

I offered to look for opportunities for him in my bank. But he had become so skeptical about sales and numbers that he took up a job in a firm which releases reports. His salary is the same but the satisfaction level different. How different is something I leave to his judgment.

Critiques to this post might argue - not all clients are like that, not all bosses are like that. That is a lame explanation. I put myself in his shoes. My clients represent the market to me. My boss represents the organization to me. People react to situations based on the inputs from a perceivable environment( read: immediate boss and his clients)

On the face of it, client is happy he limited his loss to 8 lakhs. Customer satisfaction achieved. The boss pocketed 3 lakhs and achieved his target. Since he represents the organization, organizational motive of higher revenue achieved. Win-win? Yes.

But where does the win-win leave an employee?

Signed,
Barat Ramkumar

Note: Introspect and you will realise that it applies to you as well. Blame the self-imposed targets and definitions of success that we wear as a blanket to hide from hard-hitting realities. Throwing the ethical mantle on the other person's back has become the order of the day. Its unfair, I argue. I get a reply 'So is life. Move on'

Prisoners of our Past

2008-09-11T23:53:00.002+05:30

As much as we would like to call ourselves pragmatists, somewhere down inside we are all, what I call, prisoners of our own past. Everybody has a past, significance of which is each's own. But nobody can deny its influence on a person's future course of actions. The mind is but a child. Anything you push to forget, it throws back as memories. The standard Disclaimer follows:

Author's note: Inspiration - Ron Howard's 'A Beautiful Mind'

Damn the critics, rock on!!!

2008-09-02T23:34:00.003+05:30

Not everyone lives his dream, but keeping it alive completes your life - Rock On

At the outset, I wanna clarify that this is not a review of the movie, but should it be considered so, I still cant believe I beat Atlee to it.

Jokes apart, it was a tough weekend. The Bangalore trip was hectic and drained me, though the rum turned on my reserves. One of the paradoxes of living in your hometown is the loneliness factor. You have a defined set of friends whose tastes you already know and you really dont feel like moving out to make new friends. Its been quite some time since I went out with a girl. I pondered a while and took my phone. "Rock On chalna hai?" "Kyon, koi laundiya nahi mili kya" " Abe! Chod na, chalna hai ki nahi bol...Dimaag mat kha". One of the problems of inviting Ramesh to a movie is his vocal criticism of a movie half way through that can put you off. The alternative - try and impress the legal department babe and talk her into the movie. I chose the easier path.

So...the movie... Am not gonna bore you with what the plot is and whos acting was better... thats what all the critics are for. I am just here to damn the critics. Somewhere through this bug of writing reviews and critiquing we have lost sensitivity. I dont expect a film to be logically perfect or a complete surprise package. I expect a film to either entertain me or make me sensitive. So what if its a rehash of old masalas.

Lets take the points of criticism one-by-one
1. There was no humor in the film. It was all too serious - Am sorry! Were you expecting Laurel and Hardy
2. It was immature and unrealistic - Yeah, the last I heard all the college bands got to produce their own albums
3. It was way too subtle - I didnt mind it. In an era where Indian films are characterized by adjectives like dramatic and loud, I appreciate a difference however extreme.
4. The plot is predictable - So? A film is supposed to be about moments - moments that make you smile, cry and say - yeah thats me. I dont mind knowing where the film is heading as long as I want to go in that direction along with the film.

I still vaguely remember wanting to be a TV News reporter when I was a kid. I always used to watch the news channels over and over again. After watching it I used to go to the mirror and say - Till next time its goodbye and goodnight from all of us. I used to write a lot of letters to the editor and post it. The next day I would wake up and turn to the editorial only to hang my head down. But soon it became a regular feature. I slowly started seeing the penultimate and last pages of the magazine section.

Back to the point - Not everybody has a great dream nor does everybody live his dream. But even today, sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and try repeating a few lines or write about issues I feel deeply about. Just because I didnt make a career out of it does not mean I ditch something I like doing. I like to keep it alive because thats who I am. It may not be my identity to others. But it is to me. I owe it to myself. That is something that completes me.

Go watch Rock on with an open mind and you will relate yourself to it.

Cheers,
Batty

Love Story 2030: The One where no one proposes

2008-06-03T22:06:00.003+05:30

Note: Apologies to the rest of the cast who are not introduced as yet. I am taking some more time to define the existing characters and the relationships before moving ahead. The title and the phrase OH MY GOD!! are borrowed from the popular TV show FRIENDS.

Characters: Ashok Pujar(M), Puma Chandrashekhar(F), Padmanabhan Swaminathan(M), Nita Nemji Maru(F), Praveen Bhatnagar(M), Shalini(F)

Outside Infinity Mall, Lokhandwala

Paddy: I don't understand. Whats in a last name? Why wouldn't you tell me your last name?
Shalini: I just don't use my last name. So interested? Go to the acads section and look up.
Paddy: Ok..lemme guess. Independent gal wants to chuck her father's name and make a name of her own.
Shalini: Nah...intelligent gal...tryin to make a guy understand it isn't a big deal
Paddy: Hmm....confused guy wants to know who he is going out with
Shalini: Patient gal....still sticks to NO
Paddy: Poor guy...in an attempt to make up a conversation...slips out You are adorable
Shalini: Impressed gal, to make the guy feel better acts flattered, looks down and makes drawings with her toes on the ground
Paddy: Hahaha.good one...you are truly wonderful company
Shalini: Hey..listen. I really had a great evening. Thanks for coming out with me and making me feel better.
Paddy: No problem. Thats what friends are for and if it really means that much to you I wanna say I would love to come out with you again.
(Both just stare at each other for a while)

Suddenly a sound comes....Padddyyyyyyy!!!!

Oh!! Man.!! Not today.

Paddy: Hey Nita...What are you doing here?
Nita: What are you doing here outside? I thought you were supposed to be inside, having dinner at Red Box.
Paddy: As a matter of fact we are heading inside.
Nita: We?
Paddy:Oops..agar mai kahoon ki mai isko leke aaya hoon to band baja degi. I actually "accidentally" met Shalini here at Infinity mall and we decided to have dinner.
Nita: But Puma is waiting for you inside.
(Praveen Saale! I told you to tell her Red Box, Bandra. Now poor Ashok would be waiting at Bandra.)
Shalini: Why would Puma wait for Paddy(pinching Paddy's back)
Paddy: Argghhhhh! Haan..why would she?
Nita:(looking at Paddy) I know you are gonna propose to Puma.
Shalini: WHAT?
Paddy: WHAT?
Nita: I overheard your conversation with Ashok.
Shalini(gives a long stare and then says slowly): Well..then you shouldn't keep her waiting. Carry on (and walks away)
Nita: Whats the matter with her?
Paddy: WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? You have got it all wrong. You go inside and give company to Puma. I'll talk to her. I'll come and explain

Paddy chasing Shalini

Paddy: Hey! Cmon. You know she is crazy. Kuch bhi bolti hai. I wasn't gonna propose to Puma. This is all a big mistake.
Shalini: Well..then who was?
Paddy(mumbles): Praveen you SOB...you screwed things up..Hey Bhagwan! Kaunsi musibat mei fas gaya mai. Praveen. Haat laga to mar gaya tu.
Shalini: Praveen what?
Paddy: Nothing. Just loud thinking.
Shalini: Praveen was going to propose to Puma?
Paddy: (in order to make a joke) I bet Nita wouldn't love to hear that
Shalini: Oh My God! Praveen and Nita. So Puma is just a cover up?
Paddy: No..Nono...

The phone starts to ring and its Ashok. Ab mar gaya Paddy.

Paddy(to Shalini): Listen! Ashok is on call. Just tell him am not available. Ask him to come immediately to Red Box, Andheri. Immediately. I'll go have a fag and come
Shalini: Ok...
Picks up the phone
Ashok: Saale! Maa^%^.
Shalini: Well!! Am not too flattered hearing that. Though not the words, I'll pass on the intent to him.
Ashok: Hey Shalini! Can you tell him he is an asshole as well? I'd really appreciate that
Shalini: Sure. He asked me to tell you there is a change in plan. Come to Red Box, Andheri. Immediately!!
Ashok:sighs...Ok..I guess I dont have a choice. Who else is up?
Shalini: Puma, Nita and Praveen and Praveen is going to propose to Nita. Isn't that exciting? Come fast.
Ashok: WHAT!! This is unbelievable! Puma is there??
Shalini: Thats what the WHAT was for. If you didn't hear me PRAVEEN AND NITA AND THE BIG NIGHT.
Ashok: Praveen told you and didn't tell me? Stay put. I am coming right there to kick some ass.

On the other side

Paddy: Ek kaam tujhse tik se nahi hota. Kya bola tha maine. Puma ko Red Box, Bandra bhej.
Praveen: Abe Chu^%&. Agar Nita ko pata chala ki maine Puma ko bulaya hai to woh meri ga^&* na maar legi. Isliye...
Paddy: Isliye.???
Praveen: Isliye maine Nita ko bola ki Paddy Puma ko Red Box bulana chahta hai.
Paddy: WHAT? I don't believe this. To tere karan ye sab kuch natak hua
Praveen: Aur kya karta be? Tune hi to bulaya tha.
Paddy:Abe maine Ashok ke liye kiya tha. Ab tu idhar aa, sab kuch resolve kar.
Praveen: Haan am on my way. Nita called me up and told me ki koi Puma ko propose karne wala hai. Jaldi aa jao.
Paddy: Haila!! Us ladki ka mooh band hi nahi rehta.
Praveen: So you knew about it? Ashok told you and didn't tell me? Stay put. I am coming right there to kick some ass

Outside Red Box

Shalini: Nita, there is something you must know.
Nita: Whatever it is tell me later. After the Paddy-Puma thing.
Shalini: Thats the thing. Its not Paddy. Its Praveen.
Nita: (mumbles)What! But Praveen told me....
Shalini: It wasnt Paddy that you heard inside the room. It was Praveen. And the gal is not Puma. It is you. I just thought I'll tell you in advance so that you can..you know..
Nita: (surprised) Well... I never thought...I dont know...Praveen....I didnt know it was coming... (thinking) Like hell I didn't know....I totally love him....Thank God its finally tonight that he is going to ask...

Half hour Later. Inside Red Box.

Everybody is staring at each other and thinking to themselves.

Nita: I hope its as romantic as I thought it would be. Oh! My God ! Am so excited and nervous.
Shalini: What a night! It would have been a disaster if it were Paddy and Puma. Why would it be a disaster and why am I so concerned? So what if it were the both of them? No it cant be. Oh. God! Please let me not think about it.
Puma: Paddy and me!! Why Nita? Why did you have to tell me? How do I say NO to Paddy and still not lose him as a friend? What the hell is Ashok doing? Does he know? Oh God! Please tell me what I should do
Ashok: I CANNOT believe Praveen told Paddy and not me. I am his best friend and he switched loyalties. God forbid, he is in for some major ass-kicking.
Praveen: Saala! Haraami. Hamesha mujhse kehta tha mai hi uska acha dost hoon. Bataya bhi nahi aur Paddy ko bataya. Bhagwan kasam, uski aaj mai gaa$% maarta hoon.
Paddy: OH MY GOD! This cannot be happening to me. Paanch logon se ek hi raaat mei pitne waala hoon.

Puma:Why is Ashok quiet? This isnt done. Am gonna tell him how I feel. And stop this before it turns embarrassing.
Nita: I dont think this way he is ever gonna ask me. I will say yes to him.

Talking starts:

Puma: Ashok! Can I talk to you outside for a sec?
Ashok: Sure
Paddy: No..Nono...
Shalini: Why is Puma going outside with Ashok bothering him? This isn't right. Let them go. Sit down and have your food.
Paddy: Yeah. But Ashok.Usse pehle can I talk to you outside for a sec?
Ashok: She asked me first. So I'll talk to you later.

Both Ashok and Puma walk outside

Paddy: This isnt happening. OH MY GOD!!!
Nita: Praveen!! Can I talk to you outside for a sec?
Paddy(turns to Shalini and whispers): You did not, did you?
Shalini lowers her head.
Paddy: Nononono...nonono.... No....No... This is not what all of us came for. If its gonna be private speaking I think I should let you gals speak and take a moment with Praveen outside.
Shalini: What are you? A moderator for all discussions?
Praveen: Chod na. Kya load le raha hai

Both Praveen and Nita take a walk outside

Shalini: So that leaves the two of us. What do you want to have?
Paddy(not paying attention, watching outside through the glass door): Whatever you want. Just go ahead.
Shalini: Would you stop staring outside? Thats so insensitive.
Paddy: What? Insensitive..I....I...was just looking...

Everybody has a quite smile and come inside.

At the table, all silence.

Paddy(embarrassing break of the silence): Hey, Hey! Guess what!! The food has come. Aren't we all so excited?
Nita: I'll just goto the washroom and come. You gals wanna come?
Paddy: Hey! Hey!! No more talking alone. I wanna come too.

Everybody stares at Paddy, look of disgust.

Praveen(smiling): Dude, its the ladies washroom. We all want to as well. But lets not make that obvious. You gals carry on.

In the ladies washroom

Nita: Praveen proposed to me and I said Yes.
Shalini: Thats great. Congratulations!!
Puma: Ashok proposed to me and I said Yes.
Nita: WHAT?
Shalini: WHAT?
Nita: But what about Paddy? I hope he isn't upset.
Shalini: Oh! He will not be. He better not be. He will just be happy for the two of them.
Puma: I asked Ashok to tell Paddy. Its his responsibility.
Nita: This is so great. This is awesome.

Back in the table

Paddy: So what the fuck happened outside?
Ashok: Well. Puma kinda said some arbit things I couldn't understand. She said she really likes me and I said Yes. So that means....
Praveen: Hey. Mera bhi...Nita came and told me I have nothing to be afraid of and she likes me as well. So I said thats great and said Yes.
Ashok: I still CANNOT believe you didn't tell me you were gonna propose.
Praveen: I CANNOT believe you didn't tell me you were gonna propose.
Ashok: But I didn't. She did.
Praveen: Same with me. So who was gonna propose?
Ashok(to Paddy): Do you mind telling us whats happening?
Paddy: OH MY GOD!!! I CANNOT believe whatever is happening is actually happening.
Ashok: So?
Paddy: Well...I didnt.
Paveen: What I didnt?

Praveen's room: 4 hours earlier

Ashok: Abe kahan jaa raha hai? Andar aa na.
Praveen: Ye assignment prof ko submit karke aata hoon.

Inside the room

Paddy: Aao ji romeo saab.
Ashok: Chod na yaar. Dimaag satak raha hai. I wanna take Puma out to this great restaurant at Bandra called Red Box. Pooch ne me dikkat ho rahi hai.
Paddy: Whats so great in asking a gal out? Propose karna hi mushkil hai.
Ashok: Kya? Tu?
Paddy: Haan. Yaar, I think its time I told Shalini how I felt.
Ashok: Acha aise karte hain tu meri waali ko Red Box bula. Mai tujhe sikhata hoon kaise bolna chahiye.
Paddy: Done. Aaj Puma Red Box, Bandra mei tujhe milegi. Pakka.
Ashok: Great!! Just go tell her I love you.
Paddy(looks at Ashok clumsily): Wow! Thats great help
Ashok: Kya! Bas bol dene ka. Nahi to second best sms kar de.
Paddy: Hell NO!
Ashok: Kyon?
Paddy: Pata nahi. Something inside tells me sms is just a mess.
Ashok: What does that something inside you tell will work?
Paddy: That it will not work. (smiles)
Ashok: Dekh!! Take her to Red Box, Andheri. That romantic setting will take care of the rest. Thats what I would do if it were Puma.
Paddy(laughs): So you think I should go ahead and propose to Puma?
Ashok(laughs): You bet.

Outside the room, Nita overhears the last two lines.

OH MY GOD!!

Written and Directed by,
Batty

Love Story 2030 - Part 1

2008-05-24T13:00:00.002+05:30

The seed of this post was sown about a year ago in Mansi's room. 429 had become our hangout den after 623. The usual characters: Mansi, Maru, Atlee and batty. We were pulling each others' legs when one of us mentioned how our children would be. Though it didn’t last more than 2-3 mins, it struck me that it would surely make for a good read. So how do you make a story out of that? How about making them study in NITIE together?? Hmm...something more. They don’t know that their parents were the 623 gang. Hmm...Interesting...70s bollywood effect. But kinda lacks punch.Fine....they fall in love with each other. Yeah that’s right. It’s Love Story 2030. Fasten your seatbelts.

Characters - These are just for Part 1, the other character will be introduced in Part 2
Ashok Pujar(M), Puma Chandrashekhar(F), Padmanabhan Swaminathan(M), Nita Nemji Maru(F), Praveen Bhatnagar(M)

Situation - Eco Project

Place - Room Number: 429

All of them look at each other as to who should start the discussion.

Ashok(whispers): Yaar ek baat bata tera naam Padmanabhan se Paddy kaise ban gaya?

Paddy: Yaar meri mom pakka south indian hai. Isliye Padmanabhan naam rakh diya. Mere papa ne bohot protest kiya ki future mei ise problems honge. Par kisi ne suna hi nahi. Padmanabhan kisi bhagwan ka naam hoga. Isliye mera naam mere papa ne hi a.k.a Paddy rakh diya aur ghar mei jo bhi dost aate hain unko bhi bol diya ki iska naam Paddy hai. To mai Padmanabhan se Paddy ban gaya.

Ashok: To seedha bolna tha ghar mei bulate hain. Itna gyaan kyon sunata hai tu.

Praveen (Jumps on to the bed where both of us are sitting): Abe kis ladki ke baare mei baat kar rahe ho? I'll also join.

Paddy (embarrassed that the other two girls are left alone): Kuch nahi. Let’s start the discussion. So lets all introduce us.

Introduction over and now everyone again stares at one another as to now what.

Ashok(Trying to break the ice): We should have more of our meetings outside lets say at dinners or coffee days. Kaam bhi ho jayega. Ek break bhi milega.

Praveen: Kuch kiya hi nahi. Kisse break lena hai. Abe paisa nahi kharch karna. Idhar hi karte hain.

Puma: Actually we should go out. It’s at least better than staying at this place. It looks like they have not repaired this room since the 90s.

Ashok (winks at Puma): Haan. She is right. Our mood will be better outside as well. We will be able to work better.

Nita: Arre...jaldi decide karo naaa.....mujhe tayyar hone ke liye half hour lagega.

Paddy (smiling): Nothing doing. First we split the work. Nita and Praveen - You research on the internet and get the material. Give the material to me and Puma. We will work on the document and then we pass it on to Ashok. Chal..you guys keep discussing. I'll have a fag and come.

Inside the room - Nita and Praveen get to discussing and Ashok is upto his usual stuff.

Ashok: So are you new to Bombay?

Puma: Yup. My mom and Dad are from Hyderabad.

Ashok: Its interesting cos your Hindi sounds more Mumbaish.

Puma: I actually studied in Pune and stayed at my relatives' place. Kal mujhe unse milne Pune jaana hai. Par bolne se dar lagta hai. This Paddy seems to be very strict.

Ashok: No. Not really. He is a kind a show-off. Dikhata hai waise. Waise koi load nahi hai. Mai Praveen ko janta hoon. Woh internet mei kaam ki cheez kam dekhta hai

On the other side

Nita: Kam karne kab baithna hai?

Praveen: Arre kaam ko rehne do. Tujhe lagta hai Ashok aur Puma kaam ke baare mei baat kar rahe hain. Waise hi timepass karte hain, coffe peete hain. movie dekte hain. I have got some old videos and songs that my dad passed onto me.

Nita: Oh...Is that so? I would like to see those movies. Actually my parents lived in a village and there was no computer in the house. My dad wouldn’t allow me to touch his laptop. I overheard him telling my mom that I might see the TP folder on his laptop. He has been preserving that for over 20 years. Wonder what’s in that.

Praveen: Koi load nahi hai. You can come to my room.

Nita: Sure.

Paddy enters the room.

Ashok: Abe itna time kyon laga

Paddy: Abe woh Dean Anil Pundir ka phone aa gaya. Uski beti ki shaadi mei media arrange karwana hai. Mai kya ghanta hoon. Ye saala insti kabhi nahi sudhrega.

Nita and Puma leave the room and the three of us get to talking.

Praveen: Abe chodd na. Load kya le raha hai. Ashok ki tarah rehna chahiye. Tere jaate hi lag gaya Puma ke saat.

Ashok: Kuch bhi ho mai tere jaise Ambuja nahi maar raha tha ladki ke saamne.

Paddy: Ye saala Ambuja kya hota hai.

Ashok: Abe kuch nahi. Mere papa ke ek dost the Andy naam se. Woh hamesha PJ marte rehte the. Usko hi Ambuja bolte hain.

Paddy: Andy se yaad aata hai. Mere papa ke ek dost the jo apne kisse Andy ke naam se sunaate the. Kahin woh tere papa to nahin.

Ashok: Oye. Baap pe mat jaa.

Paddy: Chal..chodd.. (Winks at Ashok) Acha suna Nita ka koi boyfriend hai. (Both look at Praveen)

Ashok: Haan suna thoda dicey hai unka relationship.

Praveen: Ghanta saalon. Aur koi topic nahi hai. Waise bhi Puma koi kam babe nahi hai and she is single as well (winks at me)

Paddy: Haan yaar. Mazaa ayega uske saat kaam karne mei. Isliye maine usko apne team mei le liya doc banane mei.

Ashok: Yaar..us doc ke baare mei...Humne decide kiya hai ki mai aur Puma doc banyenge. Aur tu presentation banade.

Paddy: Mereko Ch@#$# samajh ke rakha hai. Mai kyon na uske saat karoon.

Ashok: Kyonki kal woh Pune jaa rahi hai

Praveen: To tu doc bana. Woh dono presentation banaenge.

Ashok: Nahi yaar. Kal mujhe bhi kaam hai. Mujhe use chodne station jaana hai.

Praven and Paddy break into laughter.

Paddy: To ye Ashok Travels suru kar raha hai. Kya rate hai be.

Ashok (blushing): Abe chod na..

Paddy: Abe tum dono pair mei kaam karoge to mai kya.......... you dont want me to complete the sentence...

Ashok: Mujhe pata hai tu bhadkega. Isliye maine Shalini ko bol diya ek aur vacancy hai humaare group mei. Woh kal se join karegi humei. Tu uske saat kaam kar.

Paddy: Ye kaun hai. Naam aajtak suna nahi. Saala aajkal MBA mei 800 log padte hain aur 12 batches hain. Kaunse batch mei kaun hai samajh mei nahi aata.

Ashok: Mere batch ki hai.

Paddy: Acha poora naam to bata.

Ashok: Khud dekh le.

Ye Shalini kaun hai. Kiski beti hai. Stay tuned to this space.

Written and Created by

The batty

Nothing wierd about it!!!

2008-05-01T00:12:00.003+05:30

It happened about 6 months ago. I was going through a personal low when suddenly one of my friends told me I was wierd. I normally let them pass, but not this time. I prodded her as to why she felt so. Though the explanation wasn't quite satisfactory she sensed a feeling I had taken it to heart and then said "Don't bother!! All of us are. " I actually took this to heart and started thinking how wierd people actually were. Hell!! People are.

I recently watched the movie Tashan. What a horrible movie! Comic stunts, crazy dialogues. Then suddenly a friend pointed out to me saying isn't that how all Rajinikanth movies are supposed to be. Hell No! I said. But as the movie went forward I thought it was the perfect script for a Rajinikanth movie. Its so wierd I can picture him doing the stunts and enjoying it but not an Akshay Kumar. Its so unbelievingly vague how we have pictured somethings in our mind and refuse to move out of that plane.

Ever wondered why its always Jerry who wins in Tom and Jerry cartoons. Can you picture a victorious Tom and still enjoy it? No! We want Jerry to win. So what if in real life its always the cat that gets the better of the mouse. In that cartoon it has to be Jerry. Thats the food and fodder "pharmoola". Ever read a Dr. Watson brainstorm winning a case for Sherlock Holmes. No. Even if there were we wouldn't have enjoyed it. How many people know for a fact that Sherlock Holmes himself, in the words of the author, said he has been duped by 3 women in the past. People refuse to acknowledge that. Can you picture a Marlon Brando becoming a Gandhian? Its wierd when it comes to Bollywood we have gone on to make dark-hero-dies-in-the-end movies to become classics. But when its comics or fiction we want the Jerries to win.

Lets get more specific now. My mom had a flat in Noida that we had rented out. The last person who had occupied the house was a Punjabi and created a lot of problems by not vacating it. After everything was settled my mom was hell bent against renting it out to Punjabi. We had to lock up the house for about an year without renting it out. The next year I accompanied my mom to Delhi, we had to pay some tax dues. We landed up in the wrong place and a person offered us to drop us at the right location. Here is the hitch: he was a Punjabi. Surprisingly my mom accepted the offer. Just when I was about to think my mom was over it, she asked me - "How much money do you think he expects from us? He is obviously not doing this for free. " I laughed. We rented our house to a south Indian for half the market price and after 2 years my mom tells me - " See, I told you. South Indians are safe bets. He hasn't given us any problem. " I told her - "Why would he? At half the price the house is a steal. He'll do whatever it takes to keep us happy. " When people become obsessed with a particular fact its hard to believe they aren't wierd.

My grandfather hates the Congress(read Sonia Gandhi) so much that he still keeps arguing Narsimha Rao was responsible for demolishing the Babri Masjid and not the right wing parties. There is this friend of mine who hates Tamil people because her family was once duped when they were in Chennai. Its wierd she happens to be one of my best friends. When I confronted her with this fact I expected a response "OK! Not all Tamil people are bad. " But instead this is what I got - " You were born in Delhi. You are a pseudo-south Indian. You are actually a north Indian." She refuses to acknowledge me as a south Indian. How about the fact that I watch Rajinikanth movies? No!! Thats just cos you are wierd. I just laughed.

Hey! But wait a minute. Wasnt this blog supposed to be about how wierd I was? Thats right. Lets see how it is. I'll explain it with an instance.

About two years ago when I joined NITIE, not surprisingly my room mate fell in love with a girl. During one of our outings I heard HIM tell HER how to get the glow on the skin and how curd helps in getting it. I laughed my stomach out. I told a mutual friend about how wierd that was and both of us laughed. Fast forward a week later, I happened to accidentally scan the mutual friend's gtalk chat messages with his "interest" and what do I find. Smileys being traded. She throws one smiley, our hero types two. When I asked him about it, he started smiling sheepishly. I asked him are both of you having a competition as to who is wierder? He gave me this bizarre explanation saying thats how you talk to girls. I got totally pissed off. I wanted to prove to him he was wrong. The next day when I was talking to the girl I was in love with, I decided I'll not use any of the "wierdo expressions" and you wont believe I didnt have words other than Yes, No, I dont know prompting her to ask me if I was doing ok. Its hard not to be wierd, I realised. It actually ended with my friends making a big issue out of catching me type three smileys in a row.

The point of this post is all of us are wierd. But why do people selectively acknowledge that some people are wierd? The reason according to me is, some people( read me) in an attempt not to be wierd and be a notch above the rest lose our original identities. These are the people who are "classified" as wierds. There is nothing wrong in being wierd. All of us are. People love us for our stupidities, our dogmatic ideas. Why try and be different? There is nothing wierd about it.

Signed,
Batty

P.S. For people with a keen eye, wierd is actually spelt "weird". I, on purpose, let it remain "wierd" throughout the post. In the first attempt everybody would spell it wierd. Why let a Microsoft correct us? There is nothing wierd about it.

The fireman wants to hang his boots

2008-04-26T12:01:00.004+05:30

Every 31st December evening for the past few years has been characteristic of two things: its the single biggest let-down of the year - all plans go haywire and you end up spending it at an uncle's place or in some crappy restaurant waiting for your turn to get in. The other is resolutions. I cant think of the last resolution that I made and kept. This is about one such resolution: Hanging the fireman boots.

Relationship management, wikipedia defines as, a multifaceted process, that focuses on creating two-way exchanges so that they have an intimate knowledge of each others' needs and wants.

If this definition were so crystal clear to everyone and they followed it religiously why would there ever be problems in relationships. In this post I am going to throw some "free" gyaan that would make my presence or advise in such a situation, as a relationship manager or the disaster management dude Batty, redundant. I am slowly phasing out my role as a personal consultant for a reason that is still not obvious to some people: I have never been in a relationship. I have no clue as to what you are asking. Cant you see what am emphasizing is textbook definition of relationship management because I just want to help? But for some reason I have earned the tag that I have started to hate - The disaster management guy, the fireman who can extinguish any fire. TIME OUT!!! I am hanging my boots.

Here they go....

1. Listening is the foundation of any relationship. Trust me!! An hmm.. hmm... when the other person speaks his/her heart out makes a lot of difference.
2. Do not take a decision when in a vulnerable situation - take a break, let your emotions go for a country ride and then take a call. Think of both the good moments and bad moments that you have shared and which prevails.
3. Corollary to the previous: Never take advantage of a vulnerable person. He/She is bound to like you back. That doesn't last. It is easy to push a person walking on the edge over a cliff, but remember he/she takes you down as well. Be a friend and save the relationship. That earns more brownie points than the former.
4. Pretense of character and nobility doesn't work wonders. Its like intra-day trading. At the end of the day you got to square off your positions.
5. I miss you, I like you don't alone count as leads that the other sex throws. There is a minimum barrier and a maximum barrier to these leads. In that band go for it. Below it, its too early. Above it, what the heck were you doing? The person is already searching for alternatives. Make a dash.
6. The essence of relationship management is to make every customer realize that he/she is the most valuable customer. Giving a person that feeling of importance does not make you any less.
7. If something embarrassing has transpired between friends, the onus of starting a conversation and talking falls on the person who has said No and not on the other. The latter is a shattered person. Its upto the former to make him/her realize how important and relevant he/she still is? By avoiding the person you will have won the battle but lost a good friend in that attempt.
8. Never use a messenger or in-between or sms as an alternative to talking. Face-to-face conversations or hearing the voice of loved ones rekindles old and supposedly lost fire.
9. Don't have unrealistic expectations about anyone. Everyone lives for himself/herself. That doesn't make a person anymore selfish or anyless caring. Every person is meant to be so.
10. The most important one: Never take the advise of a third person on how to handle your relationship. You are the best judge. Just stick to the textbook definition and the above lines and you'll find the world a better place to live in. That third person includes me. All I have tried to do when people have come to me with problems is take their emotions on a country ride; de-clog them so that they can make a sane decision.

Criticisms to this post are unwelcome as you are really not the target audience. In retrospect when you become one, please go through this and you will see the relevance.

To insinuations of gyaan-baazi and a fart-post, agree. This is one. But to each his motivation for writing something. I promised a friend a post a week.

Signed,
Batty

Author's note: As much as this blog is close to me, I really need another platform for my forthcoming compilation. So I shall be visible on http://www.letterstomydad.wordpress.com/ as well which goes live sometime next week. Watch out for that space to get some real quality anecdotes in my life - some emotional, some funny, some embarassing but all true as letters to my dad.

If only they had...

2008-04-12T00:51:00.000+05:30

In the course of marketing I have learnt that no publicity is bad to revive a dying brand. This entry does by no means fall under that category. I don't intend getting cheap hits on my blog by raking a controversy. There is this one distinct incident in my childhood that I cant help relate to present developments. I just thought I'll share it with everybody. Comments on the entry might please be restricted to the purview of the incident described below and not extrapolated to the author's insinuations.

X: Are you insane? Don't touch that. It will cut your fingers.

Me: Why are you anyways making it? Cant we just get it outside for like 10 bucks?

X: Its kite-flying and its war. If you just get any string outside, ours would be the first one that goes down. All we need to do is let this stuff boil and then apply it on the string with a stick and the day is ours.

Me: All the pain for seeing others' kites go down. What sort of a place is this? Looks like an undertaker's bungalow.

X: Shut the f**k up. This is my balcony.

Me: Dood, aren't you afraid your mom is gonna shout at you?

X: For what?

Me: Well previously I thought your scientific kite logic was a problem, but I fear your language more now.

X: Oh! She doesn't care. I just told her we are doing an experiment for school.

Me: Yeah, like she is dumb to believe that

X: She is. Trust me. I am more educated than her.

Me: Nonsense! We are in eighth grade. Oh...OK...

X: By the way, how did your mom take it this morning? She seemed pretty pissed.

Me: Pretty well. No problem.

_______________________________________________
A few minutes ago:
Mom: I know he did it. Don't try and lie to me. How many times have I told you to find better friends?

Me: Mom! I was batting and he was bowling. It was my shot that broke the glass.

Mom: So what. He leaves you and runs away so that you can take on the neighbors.

Me: I was supposed to run away too. But I didn't. He did what he was supposed to. And its 50 bucks, why are you making an issue out of it?

Mom: The issue is not money, it is company. Don't you have any Brahman friends?

Me: What does Brahman have to do with friends? Do I go asking people what caste they are before making friends? We should have never moved out of Delhi. You have ruined my life.
(Storm out)
_______________________________________________

X: Its all your fault. You should have run. Anyways, your mom is not upset, so why bother?

Me: Their son studies with me in the same school. How do I run away from that fact? I meet him everyday. Its easy for you to say. You don't study in that school

X: I would have loved to study in that school, but .... forget it

Me: Its a school and your dad is like a millionaire. You can join the school anytime you want. Whats the problem?

X: My dad says that's a Brahman school and its better for me to study in a school that's nearby.

Me: Whats a Brahman got to do with school?

X: I dunno. My parents say its an exclusive club and you'll be left out. And who cares? I'll study till I want to and then move to my father's business.

Me: Business? My mom hates that word. She has already plans laid out for me. IIT and go abroad.

X: Abroad? Do you have somebody there?

Me: Most of my relatives are there. So my mom says they will guide me. How about yours?

X: All my relatives are in the village. We first moved to the city because of dad's business.

Me: I have also heard that there is a lot of money in business. But don't you think a degree is required before you take over the business. Just in case.

X: Who cares about education? I am not good at it anyways. When I say I get a 60, my mom hugs me.

Me: Well me too for a 90 but the next statement is always why not a 95. I better be good at this. Why don't you move to our school? It will be great. We can play cricket together.

X: I don't think so. You have got your own group there - "your" friends. I am better off here.

Me: Oh..cm on. Do you really think I am like that?

X: Oh yeah, so why didn't you attend our family function I had invited you for?

Me: Well...hmm... Hey!! That pot is boiling. Its ready. Lets hit the roof.

Fast forward - 2008 January.

Me: Hey!! This place has changed a lot. It ain't the same when I left it years ago.

Y: Yup, it has. So how have you been?

Me: Well, my MBA is over and I am joining ICICI bank. How about you?

Y: I am with Sathyam. Still a coder. :)

Me: How are the others? How is X? Kinda lost touch with him. Its been ages.

Y: He is with a printing press. Comes home pretty late.

Me: Bugger. I knew he would get into his father's business. Always said he would.

Y: Well, actually no! He quit his education after 12th and joined his father's business. It ran into a loss and they had to shut down. I couldn't help him because everywhere they asked for a degree. Wish he had continued his education. Wish there was somebody to guide him.

Me: Oh... Stare into emptiness

Fast forward - April 11th 2008

Supreme Court upholds OBC quota. Protesters claim the creamy layer has to be left out. The rich segment in the OBC category already have everything. They have access to education, resources. What else do they want? Why include them in the quota? They have everything.

Me(thinking): If only they had...

Signed,
Barat Ramkumar a.k.a. Batty

P.S.: Whatever I am today, I owe a lot to this society, my parents, their guidance and so many other factors. I just don't have the heart to speak against those who are deprived of the above. Money doesn't maketh a man. I am not pro-reservation, neither do my emotions allow me to be anti. GODSPEED.

Daddy's back

2008-04-04T21:45:00.000+05:30

Which Friends Character Are You?

More on Friends. Created by BuddyTV

Apologies to the thousands(read nil) following my blog for my prolonged absence. In trying to explore a writer within, I had created a cyber-persona I don't even remotely relate to. So this is an attempt at mainstream blogging.

Phew!!! So much has changed in my life since my voluntary break. So let me start off by putting down a few disjoint incidents. The contrast and the irony would be obvious. Yesterday refers to a Batty sometime ago.

Yesterday: Dude!! Guess what!! Batty cracked an ICICI RM profile. That guy doesn't know the ABC of Fin. Man!! He can pull one on anybody. He is all but a bag of air.

Today: (Office talk overheard) Man that guy has a future. You know the kind of analysis he did on that complex proposal. I heard the National Credit Manager has offered him a post and location of choice . He is made for finance. MBA does teach a lot of finance. I should have opted for it instead of CA.

Yesterday: Hey!! There is this woman that I really like. But am not sure whether she does too. I think I will just sit and watch her. Its win-win. I am happy being with her and she doesn't have to slap me.

Today: So.. I took her to the fancy Thai hotel down the road. Believe it or not. She was blown away. Apparently it was a candle light nite. She smsed me she had a great time. But I laid off. Its getting too serious. I just wanted to see if I still had it in me. I dun wanna give her any ideas.

So what has changed me? Is there at all a change? No. Its all in the attitude. You believe you can do something. There is no stopping. Daddy's back, baby!!!

I never knew just 10 push-ups a morning to shrug off sleep can have a co-working babe thinking I gym everyday. Evidence that there are dumb girls for auction on a platter. Interested parties please note.

I never knew speaking smooth English and Linkin Park can make a boss disbelieve I dont have a girlfriend. "Dont tell me you dont have one. Cmon, you dont have to feel shy." The last time I decided not to, I made a complete ass of myself in front of my best friend. But I said "I am not the one-girl-guy"

Before I sign off, an interesting conversation I overheard in office when there was very little work.

A: You are wrong. There is a difference between a factory and a ship. You cant physically move a factory but a ship can.

Me and my super-boss stop over to overhear.

B: But how about this. The ship is on a vast mass of water which is similar to land. So you cant steal a ship and hide it in your pocket.

Now. me and my super-boss are wowed. We started taking interest in the conversation.

A: Dont make dumb arguments. A ship is a ship and a factory is a factory. One is movable and the other is immovable.

C: No, he is right. If you stand inside a factory and shout this is mine. Its the same as standing inside a ship and shouting this is mine wherever the ship goes.

Now both of us are laughing our stomachs out.

B: Hey Batty! Cmon you tell me ship and a factory are the same.

Batty:(in a fix - one is the boss and the other a very senior person) Well....I dunno what to say. I have to agree ships can move at the same time you can claim both are yours as long as its not me shouting Its mine

Super-Boss(Laughing out loud): I can see that there is no work guys. But dont you think this has gone a little too far. Ships and Factories are different. Lets put an end to this.

A: See, I told you!! Thats why the security charge on a ship is hypothecation and one on a factory is mortgage eventhough both are submitted as collaterals against term-loans.

Me and my super-boss look at each other(foot in the mouth) - They were really discussing business

Adios,
Batty

Big Boys Dont Cry!!!

2008-01-16T09:01:00.001+05:30

I dare do all that may become a man; Who dares do more is none - Macbeth

My memories of my life in Delhi, though vague, are a regular feature of my nostalgic process.

I lived in a suburb called Mayur Vihar, on the banks of Yamuna and had my school(Somerville) in Noida. Everyday I had to carry a truck load of books, wear an overcoat cos it was winter and hear my grandfather saying "Cmon big guy, jog in the fog". And by the time you reach the banks of Yamuna, puffing and panting to catch the bus, it would have left. I would curse the situation(Bunk school??). No way. Now it would have to be my grandfather's Bajaj. I just love my school bus sleeps. BIG BOYS DONT SLEEP.

One day the bus which normally takes me to sleep(oops school) met with an accident, it overturned. The lazy guy I am I dont normally take off my bag while going to sleep. Picture this! On top of me was this bag, on top of which was a broken seat on top of which was a gal relaxing and whispering for help. I was squealing at the top of my voice. I reached for my hand somehow and started beating the gal above me left and right which made her shout for help. After the heroic way out, I saw everybody crying. I had a few bruises as well. But I had another concern. I was looking for my class teacher. Where was she? Yeah! I found her. There she was. Ma'am, ma'am!!! Are you hurt, Barat? Ma'am, should we still goto school?

I found her in the van seated in a corner, still crying. Was she hurt or was it because my hand graced her body a little enthusiastically( ok...fine....beat her). This was going to be my very first act of chivalry. I went and sat beside her. She looked at me. I couldnt look at her. She showed me her elbow and said its paining. I gave her a smile of vindication.I didnt do it. She touched my elbow and asked me doesnt it hurt for you. It did badly. Why arent you crying? No, BIG BOYS DONT CRY. Her name was Miss M.

Mayur Vihar, is divided into pockets and each pocket has a playground attached to it. I loved playing cricket there because I really sucked at it. You could score a zero and the cutie pie would never know. My first attempt to ride a bicycle was there as well. There was this close friend of mine I used to hate cos he was good at cricket, looked cool and the next door cutie pie seemed to like him and not me. He would always challenge me to a game of cricket and the man I am I wouldnt refuse. It would be a 2 man game with her looking out from her house. The winner would be invited inside her house for Roohafsa(pardon the spelling - a summer drink). I would cry that I lost and usually chose building corners to vent them out. One of those days Miss M actually saw me crying and walked upto me and asked me "But you said Big Boys dont cry?" I wiped my tears off and smiled "YES. BIG BOYS DONT CRY." Its just some dirt that had gone into my eyes while playing.

There was a big crowd. It was a funeral. I didnt know back then. People were crying. Some anxious. I was confused. People didnt tell me what happened. I couldnt understand. One of my uncles walked upto me, lifted me up, gave me a five star and told me. "Dont worry son, your dad will be with you always." BIG BOYS DONT CRY. What are you talking about? Its the fire and smoke thats hurting me. And yeah whats up with Dad!!!I was just 8 years old.

It has been 17 years since then. I am a BIG BOY now. I dont know what transformed me then, but I grew along to become an atheist and a loner. With a grudge against the unfairness meted out to me by Him, I swore to myself I'll rewrite my own fate. Not wanting to take anybody's help, add to my mom's concern and show an apparent weakness, I learnt everything the hardway meeting a lot of failures. With a strong sense of logic and rationale, I removed the emotional quotient out of every equation and tackled all my difficulties easily.Professionally, I call myself successful. I might not be from a world class institute, not even comparable to the best brains, but I can shape my career the way I want to, talk myself out of any situation, talk myself into any situation. People call me intelligent, people call me stud. They say I have good grasping powers. People come to me for help and advise. When they ask me how I handle failures in a mature way, I tell myself why not. I have seen it all. I am a BIG BOY. WHY SHOULD BIG BOYS CRY? I have never.

They say a man cannot be happy both personally and professionally. I wanted to prove it wrong. I have always believed that to be successful one needs to have a strong value system and the courage to be true to it. I have tried to help anyone and everyone in need irrespective of their gender and age. I have had the guts to be honest and outspoken most of the times. People come to me with problems and I make them see sense. I advise people on relationships though have never been in one. BIG BOY DOESNT CRY. I wanted a change. I had seen it all. I wanted to move out of my house, see the world. That is when I moved into a business school.

It was a long walk down the PPO road in solitude. The dazzling reflection of light down her curves made it look sensuous. But insensitive to sensuality and lost in my thoughts, I was in deep introspection of the year that had passed. It is just amazing how the whole world has changed in an year. Over the 25 years, never once have I questioned my convictions. I have answered situations through my convictions. This past one year, every situation has questioned my conviction. I suddenly find myself lost in a jungle. I have never felt more afraid to speak out my mind. People seem to be talking amongst themselves and I have to read their message from the expressions they give me and sometimes go behind them as well. When I came here people mockingly welcomed me to the "civilised world". Yet in this past one year, I have heard sober comments and seen some sober actions that I wouldnt have even imagined when am frustrated and sloshed. In a period of one year, I have earned adjectives like arrogant, dominant, egoistic and some censored. Gimmicks about my physical appearance, have become pronounced to such an extent that it leaves some bad taste. Comments on size, style, hair, eyebrows have made me wonder and wanting to ask - Is there any part of my body which is actually acceptable? I have never reacted to criticism and taken jokes in the most lively manner that could be called nothing short of self-mockery. But this seems to be a world focussed on a tailor-made value system, diplomacy and physical appearance - all but a shallow crust of the rock of character.

People there call me a non-conformist and people here dont allow me to be a conformist. Where do I belong? Whenever I feel low, my sense of rationale and logic step in for a situational analysis of the problem. Today as I deal with a problem for which I know no solution exists and a fear that the only way out is surviving this, I yearn for company, for friendship, for love. I reach out into emptiness. I suddenly want to believe in God. I want to believe in emotions. I want to relate with people better. Amidst all the criticism am subjected to, the hope fuelling my life is a friendship or a love that can give me a hug, like me for what I am, how I am and why I am, tell me am a good and a true friend. If I have put my thoughts in a simple manner today, its not a conscious, but a choked attempt. My emotions have choked my flow of thoughts and words. WHY CANT BIG BOYS CRY? BIG BOY WANTS TO CRY!!!

Signed, Barat Ramkumar

Of Lost Love and Beaches

2008-01-16T08:59:00.000+05:30

Note: All the articles that I have written till now, have been special to me in form or the other. But what makes this doubly special is the fact that all the emotions exuded in this are TRUE to the best of my knowledge and come from the bottom of my heart. It is worth a mention here that this is my maiden attempt at poetry

Every tide that goes out must come in
Thats what he taught me. I believed him.
Whenever I used to go to the beaches
I would tell him Yes and he would smile

Every time he went out I told myself
Every time he returned I smiled
The next time he went he didn't return
She said he wouldn't. I said no.
Every tide that goes out must come in
He is never wrong. I stood there waiting.

Years passed by and I grew older
My belief didn't. I still believe in that
It was results time. I had done well.
When I realized I flunked, I was confused
Every tide that goes out must come in.
He is never wrong. I stood there staring.

One fine day I realized I had fallen in love
I couldn't take my mind off her
I always assumed she was mine until
She told me she had fallen in love as well
Every tide that goes out must come in
He is never wrong. I stood there crying.

Today I went back to the beach and noticed
reminiscent were those days of the past
I would say yes and he would smile
Suddenly a thought struck me and
now I knew what he meant
The water that went out never came in
It was always another tide of water

With tears in my eyes and smile on my face,
I realize, of all the love I lost in my life
I love him the most, I miss him the most
Love you Dad!!! Miss You!!!

TGIF - 4th Oct 2006

2008-01-16T08:57:00.000+05:30

Life@623 H5 NITIE has been one that I'll remember for a long time. This is the first of the series of experiences I shall write to contain my frustration of not being able to rework any further on my widely talked about project in the unit. Please forgive some dramatisations. Its in my blood.

Cast: Poor Batty once again, Jai, Atlee, Prachi,Surabhi and Dhivya.
Date: 4th October 2006 - Thats what the date on the pic says
(Clockwise: Jay-partly hidden, Prachi, Surabhi, Dhivya and Poor Batty; Photo Courtesy: Atlee)
I was just back from a week long vacation@home and was settling in when I got a call from upstairs. Batty-wanted-in-placement-office was a new phenomenon back then and I quickly tucked in a shirt, put on a belt and rushed. Standing in formals in front of the hostel, trust me, is very embarassing. Everybody looks at you like a caged animal in a zoo. After a 15 min long wait, both of us took a jog up and I never panted more. I didnt have a clue the evening was going to be long. Another half-hour wait later we finally got in. Never accept a seat when he offers you one. I was too young in the system to realise that. Grabbed a chair straight in front of the AC. "So, what have you guys been upto?" Thats the last statement I remember from the marathon 4-hour sesson that went on. To cut things short, this is the essence of what transpired "There are two ways to become popular and get a name. One is be as hardworking as Harsha is, and the other is...." He just stops at it and smiles at me. Why I was notorious deserves another entry which I shall save for later. Its 9 pm already. My biological clock is never wrong. I wanna grab something to eat. Not wanting to go to the mess in formals I rushed to my room only to see it was locked.

I called up Jai( Yes! He was my roomie.)

"Dinner?"

"We are actually going out to dine."

"Where is Atlee?Uske paas chaabi hoga."
(Pause: Now who was Atlee? Uske paas chaabi kyon hoga? See, when I opted for NITIE, I was promised single occupancy, given double and realised it was triple. He was a non-permanant resident of the state of 623. But I didnt mind. We had a great time, the three of us. )

"Woh bhi aa raha hai humaare saath. Tu bhi chal jaldi. Ready ho jaa. We are going to TGIF."

"Great. I really wanna mug of beer. Have had a long evening. Who else is up?"

"Prachi and Surabhi."

I didnt battle an eyelid "Ok... you guys just carry on. Am in no mood to spoil my evening. If you guys are out on a double-date, just go ahead. "

"Abe date-wate kuch nahi hai. Tu bhi aajaa. "

I have known better not to accept such reasons. But I really needed a break.

How do I dress? What do I dress? These are some questions that have never bothered me and I just grabbed a pair of jeans put them on and came downstairs. Who is this Surabhi? I have never seen her and why is everybody in their party outfits. I was already getting a feel of misfit in that group.

" This is batty and she is Surabhi." Atlee told us and I smiled.

" But I have never seen him in the class." She asked questioningly

" Well, fair enough. I belong to Section B."

" So does she. Hahahah. Kabhi class jaata to pata hota."

I smiled sheepishly. This aint going the way I wanted.

"Hi !! Battttyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!" Prachi squealed
Meri mummy ne mera naam Barat kyon rakha...seedha Batty rakh dete....

I left the 4 of them and started walking. It was cold and I was contemplating carrying a couple of cigarettes with me. Forget it! I just hope I dont land up alone with one of the gals alone in the auto. Whats with me and gals? I never seem to strike a chord with them.

"Bored already?"

"Nopes! Just relishing the experience. Hey listen! Can I back out? I really seem a misfit in the group."

"I know just how you are feeling. There is another gal joining us. So dont worry. She'll keep you company. "

Another girl really doesnt compensate for a mug of beer. But I didnt wanna be a spoilsport.

"There she is. Meet her, she is Dhivya."

Atlast a familiar face. My opinion about familiar faces is a little weird. See, one thing about gals is that they take only a couple of mins to realise how uninteresting I am. And those 2 mins and the 2 mins that follow are really very embarassing for both of us. Familiar faces dont even strike a conversation with you. So its a safer proposition.

"Hey!" I said and looked out pretending to search for an auto. The four of them were together already searching for one. Two autos came by.

"You look great!"

She just got into the auto and didnt even bother replying.
Are there coaching classes for engaging women in a conversation? I badly needed one.

I quickly got into the other auto. Good thing. It was just Prachi inside with Atlee.

"I shall be stepping out for an hour to attend a birthday party."

"You step out of this auto and you are dead meat." I said glaringly.

You pulled me into all of this. Please dont leave me alone to handle them.

Out of town for just a week and worlds can change upside down. It wasnt long ago. All the 3 of us were together discussing love and life and how everything was just a farce and all of a sudden I found myself in unfamiliar territory with familiar faces. 3 more faces to be precise!

Atlee: "So!! Whats with you and Jay and your date? "

Prachi: "Its just nothing. People are reading too much into it. "

Atlee: "Oh is it? But I wasnt lead to believe so."

It was just a day since I came back and it was a day of hectic committee work. So I was yet to get the updates and the presence of Prachi didnt make it any easier. I kept thinking.
5 log hain. Dhivya wasnt there in the initial plan. Or was she? Lets assume she wasnt. 4 people. Prachi, Surabhi, atlee and Jay. Logon ne kaha tha updates hain. To kiska kiske saath chal raha hai. Agar Jai aur Prachi ka chal raha hai to Atlee idhar uske saath kyon hai auto mei. Aur agar Atlee aur Prachi ka chal raha hai to woh Jai ki baat kyon kar raha hai. Aur Dhivya kidhar se aa gayi. Agar Jai aur Dhivya ka chal raha hai to Atlee, Prachi aur Surabhi kyon jaa rahe hain. Are there 2 pairs or just 1? Or am I just imagining things? All combinations seemed possible.

One thing was for sure, I was getting bored to death.

PB(Poor Batty): "Hi! My name is Batty. I am your co-traveller in this auto. May I know whats going on?"

So finally, Poor Batty gets all the updates and feels all the more alone. So he calls Atlee aside.

PB: Tera aur Surabhi ka kuch chal raha hai kya?
Atlee: Nahi re! Nonsense!
PB: Achi baat hai. Kyonki agar hai, to mai aise hi cut maar raha hoon. 2 kabab mei ek haddi bohot jyada hoti hai.
Atlee: 1 nahi 4. I'll meet you in an hour. Bbye.

Infinity mall ! I was just looking around cursing my luck. Here I was with 2 pairs that found eternity in their own company. Surabhi and Dhivya had gone food-hunting and were pretty comfortable talking to each other. Jai and Prachi were busy engaged in a conversation that aint worth even describing. One line that I heard made me fall flat. It was Jai advising Prachi on how to get a smooth skin. I just thought to myself. Saale!! Ma@#@@#$# Atlee, if you dont come here on a count of 10, tomorrow's papers are going to cover your funeral.

TGIF it was finally. We entered and took our places. Thank God I got the aisle. Everybody ordered a drink and I ordered a mocktail. Finally, it took a drink and a huge and ugly grin from my side to break the ice and there we were laughing and shouting, driving the whole place mad. One drink down, one person called for tequilla. Now, an interesting thing about tequilla is it should be taken in shots and the way you take it defines the shot. Here I was forced to show them the right way. I still see and laugh at the video even today. Its very difficult to describe disjoint events. But these are some of them
1. Surabhi and Dhivya rubbing legs with each other prompting us to discuss if something is going on :)
2. Jai asking Dhivya not to look at him cos her eyes were seducing him. Kitne logon pe ek din mei line maara usne
3. All of us relating our love stories, some failed ones obviously
4. Prachi taking the tequilla shot in 15 sips.
5. Atlee played narrator and photographer throughout. It took another trip to rid him of his non-innocent acts of the past
6. It was the begining of the induction of another illegal non-resident member in 623 - Prachi.
7. Surabhi made her presence more frequent in 623 meetings and happenings.
8. Dhivya - the tech savvy desktop freak chose to get all the updates right from her room.
9. Aap soch rahe hain Poor Batty(PB) ka kya hua. He remained the same. New gal woes still haunt him. Familiar faces still show contempt for him but is highly appreciated for his clowny antics. News buffs say he has been rewarded with Room Number: 420 just so that people still have something to laugh about even after he is gone.

It was an evening to remember with a very average start and a hearty finish.

Written and Directed by,
Batty

Where do I hide you, Mr. Hyde?

2008-01-16T08:56:00.000+05:30

How do I name it? What do I want to write? What is the picture above? I'll take that one. I see a neatly dressed man drowning calling out to the heavens reaching out into emptiness. Doesn't he see a tube around him ? Thats my point. Look closely. Its the tube that is strangling him and not the water winking at him. From the days of Jekyll and Hyde I have believed people live 2 characters. Not that I hate Hyde and adore Jekyll, but every person's Hyde ain't violent. Hyde is the evil the society finds unacceptable in you. We unashamedly hide the Hyde and deify the Jekyll to achieve our ends, gain acceptability. Can the principles I built through my formative years be check-mated to assuage a society's aging customs?

I cant help but compare my situation to the picture above. I still remember I was a small kid when I was thrown into the river. I was drowning and desperately called for help. They didn't answer my call. They wanted me to learn to swim. Thats life! Learn to live it! When they saw I was struggling and had learnt to beat my hands and legs along, they threw in a tube. I was more than happy. Not only was I saved, I began enjoying the river. I knew I wouldn't drown. They knew I wouldn't drown. I was having the time of my life. They were happy I was. Now comes the hitch. They feed you, shower you with all the love and affection, money as well. You start growing and the tube seems to shrink. You have learnt to swim and want to explore the river. Not only is the tube too weak to float and show you places, it has started to strangle you. I again reach out and call for help. I get the same answer. Thats life! Learn to live it! What do I do? I can cut the tube and risk taking a path unknown exploring beautiful places I dreamt of but no one will throw a tube again.

What am I going to do? Where am I going to? I don't have a definitive answer to that. Will I be one among the hypocrites who crib and go the same way or be a path breaker and eventually end up a loser? Loser? Yes you will be!! Take it from me. Before deifying the likes of Gandhiji for whom I have the highest regard in the last century, just look at the society that bred him. It was an uneducated lot yearning for a leader. This is a time, everywhere you look you will find only leaders who strategise but hardly a person who will work. Its the age of cell phones, mini skirts and discotheques; wine tasting parties, sea-facing flats, exotic vacations in the Europa. What do I do to sustain such a lifestyle? Be one of them or risk being called a loser.

Where do I bury you, Mr. Hyde? Where do I hide you? Where would your soul Rest In Peace if I choose to bury you or Rust In Peace should I choose to hide you? Please help me!!!!!!

Amen!!!

Showtime

2008-01-16T08:52:00.000+05:30

- Based on an episode in my friend's life

Forts of love built on foundation of tears must realize they are always on slippery grounds.

Do I turn left or do I go straight? Left it is. But it was too late. I forgot the brakes weren't working and I had made a steer. The wheels screeched. She clutched me in desperation and I put both my foot down. Narrow escape. I took a breath and steadied the bike again. "Your driving leaves much to be desired. I was expecting this for a few days." I heard her murmuring. So was I... So was I... I excused myself under the pretext of ATM visit and went to get a bottle of water. "Sir, Your eyes are red. Go see a doctor." This time it was the shop keeper. I washed my face and gazed at the last Klein tablet. Should I get more? I am fast losing it. The stress levels were getting to me. My concentration levels were dipping. I went blank. I heard a voice inside my head saying.... No...don't lose it...stay alert..stay awake....stay alive...focus...The fears that haunted my dreams are, today, dancing in front of me. It is showtime...

There are plenty of decisions that a person has to make in life. The most critical ones are those where you have to choose between two loved ones. The parties can be wife, fiancee, girlfriend, boyfriend, fiance, husband, friend, mother, father or any other relative for that matter. These are cases when logic and reasoning take a backseat with the love for one another like a drunkard on the wheel. Whom do you love more? Whom do you love less? How long have you loved a person? Whats the depth of your relationship with the person? What can you say? What cant you say? There are no win-win answers to this. It more often than not ends up in one getting hurt because his/her love for that person was compromised in the situation. This happens always and all around us. Look closely! People lie not because they want to. People scream and snub other loved ones, not because they want to. They do not feel good either after doing so. All the three parties are in a state of mental depression. There is no winner. There is no loser.

But I'll tell you what is worse. When your loved ones ask you to arbitrate on a matter of grave concern. You don't have a choice. YOU ARE THE LOSER. Either ways!!! It is because you don't have an opinion but you pass a judgement on people, both of whom have loved you dearly and look up to you to stand up for them. What!!! That's all!!! That's something that happens to me always!!! So might you think!! Wait for it. It ain't over. You are given time and that time is not so that you can laze around and announce your judgement at the end of the period, but just so that each one can feed you with so much opinionated arguments and tears that you lose your temper and cool. Your normal routine gets affected and you move into a state of mental trauma where you cannot take the issue off your grid for even a single moment. Your friends start to take note of your mood swings. You wish you went into coma.

Tears and emotional blackmail are neither a means nor a constructive end to any debate. The foundation of forts of love are built on bricks of trust and belief, with occasional tears and not tears alone. Participation indicates boldness and tears, fear and cowardice. They aren't a true reflection of true love. Forts of love built on foundation of tears must realise they are always on slippery grounds.

Time and Tide wait for no man. Why, I ask? Is there a pause or a rewind button in life. Cant everything stay on a status quo. I hate to lose the trust and love of either of them. What do I do? The salt in my tears rolling down my cheeks into my open mouth finally wake me to senses. I quickly washed my face with the bottle of water.

Virtue Verity and Virginity

2008-01-16T08:45:00.000+05:30

Disclaimer: All the characters in the story are fictional and bear no resemblance to anybody living or dead. In an attempt to challenge the writer within I might have created characters but the feelings and the emotion exuded are true to my conscience and are as I would have reacted to such a situation. My long absence from this arena was because this is a script I have rewritten many times over and made it less stimulating and more appealing

There are very few elements in this world that I am allergic to and one of them is the shrill shriek of a telephone especially during one of those happy afternoon naps. The other being a kick from my sister when I dont pick it up. Isnt there something called respecting elders? But I was bothered about something else today. Well!! Not today but the whole of the last week. All this was playing in my mind when I spoke into the phone with a gruff voice. " I have been trying to reach you for a whole week and get no response. Either you are not in or nobody picks up. What have you been upto?" Dont I just love her voice? Why does she have to be so lovely and caring? Am gonna have to reciprocate it. I'll tell her today. This is it!! " Not my fault!! I was broke the entire week. So couldnt call you back. You know I dont have an STD connection at home. " That was fast!! Fast!! My foot. Why dont you just tell her what it is?. " You sound changed. I hope it isnt anything to do with me." Nonsense!! Its got everything to do with you. " Are you crazy!! Dont be nuts!! You are the best thing that ever happened to me. But you know its just that kind of strange ideas I have been having over the past week I dont know how to comprehend them. I mean I am able to but doesnt make sense to me." Why dont you just apologise to her about that night and say you just didnt mean it, you egomaniac. "Was it something about the other night" she asked in a low tone. Hang on!! She hasnt spoken to you like this. She has apparently misunderstood it. Hang on!! Dont go for it!! Hold on!! " Well yes and no. I mean I was just thinking events are moving faster than we are. We should probably spend more time trying to understand each other." " I knew it!! Why couldn't you be open about it. If you had insisted we could have done it as well. All you guys are the same!! How cheap!!" and a thud. Blank!! What could we have done? It took me a moment to get her. Oh Fuck!! What have I done!! It wasn't supposed to end this way!! I just have to learn more than to just blindly dismiss my alter-ego. You are an egomaniac

Same Day Same Time Two weeks Before:

"I am surprised you are still awake. Isn't this your happy afternoon nap time?" Why do moms always have to be correct? "Are you crazy? Lazy people sleep off afternoons. I got my exams in a month. And you better close that door when you go. I don't want you house folks fighting when am having my classroom sessions on the phone." "Dont bark at me!! I just wanted to find out if you will be available for Inder's marriage next weekend. Shall I book tickets for you as well. " "Oh ok!! You must mean Inder's auction. Sell him off to the highest bidder and jail him for life. You think I would want to be part of that nonsense. You must be joking. With exams coming up ask him if he can donate me some of his auction money for getting the question papers." There is one more thing I am allergic to - marriages. "You will never change. I pity your wife." she said closing the door softly. Treeng!! What timing!! I knew who it is!! "Helloooooo" I said lazily into the phone. " Oh!! I hope I didn't disturb you!!" " Nopes you didn't. You know!! I just love these afternoon naps. If there is just anything else I love, it is just you disturbing me." How very mundane and unromantic!! " How sweet!! You know I love these naps as well. We share a lot in common." Oh we do? I never knew!! "Guess what I am coming down to Bangalore next weekend for Preity's marriage." I just love her tone when she gets excited. She's so very sweet. "I am just hoping you can make it as well. I really want to spend some time with you together." Spend some time together alone in a marriage!! Man!! She's buying you!! Don't go for it!! " Marriage!! You nuts!! How did you ever think I'll give it a miss? I just love marriages and have never seen a Kannadiga one. You bet!! I am coming!!" Why do these SOBs never change!! " She's not a Kanadiga. We are committed for god's sake. Why do you have to still try and impress me." Hahahah!! You better get your facts straight man!! I hung up and let a huge smile. I just love her. Reliving those moments when I proposed to her and her sweet little answer 'Why did it take you so long' gets me into deep trances. "Oops!! Did I just disturb your happy afternoon naps?" " Oh!! Not at all mom, come on in. I was just thinking hard. After all Inder is one of our relations. Wouldn't it be bad if I didn't attend his marriage?" "Oh you mean auction!! No not at all!! How could he do such a thing!! Don't worry I can convince people around there." she said with a wry smile on her face. " Oh!! If you mean the marriage am definitely not coming to it. I have a friend in IIM Bangalore to meet up. I'd probably attend the reception. That pretty much vindicates my stand." What a stupid reason!! You are one idiot I fail to comprehend!! What did I do to deserve such a nagging and irritating alter ego. I thought you were my companion. It doesn't seem to be so.

Same Day Same Time One week Before:

This is crazy!! I have been in this place for just half hour and I have assumed roles of a maid servant a photographer and a pujaari. What versatility!! I have to put up with it. Ahh!! Finally lunch. After lunch we went places together. I made the most of it. Tried to get as close to her as possible. In her soft little hands I found a nerve which directly led to her sweet heart. I clung on to that like a life saver. Suddenly I felt lost in a sheath of ice which smelt so very good. One more thing I like about her is that she always insists we go dutch. 50-50? Not at all!! I empty my pocket and she hands out a note. Well she has never really let me feel bad about it as she always receives the bill and adjusts the amount she tells me. I just love her for it notwithstanding the fact that I wasn't being a gentleman. "I was just thinking we can spend the evening together as well and have dinner with my friends." Oh No!!! Not them!! They are such a pain!! People at the reception would be better!! Buzz off man!! Your mom is waiting!! " Oh sure!! They are such wonderful company."

THE EVENING

A birthday cake with two candles on top with food around!! They probably misunderstood candle light dinner!! The birthday of a friend in a guest house!! Just awesome!! " You can stay here overnight if you choose to. We can talk all night long. Its been a long time away from my friends as well. So all four of us can make a campfire tonight in the garden." "Well I am not sure if I am up to it cos I really got to be going!!" The giggles of laughter really got me embarrassed. She was there to help me once again. "We have got two rooms, two gals and two guys here. We gals can take one room and you can take the other." I always fall for her sweet little smile. That night was probably one I would remember and cherish for a long time. All the four of us really jelled together and it was awesome pulling each others legs. I was seated beside her with her hands on mine. She didn't seem to want to let go of it. It gave me a feeling of self importance. I beamed with joy that was short lived. The topic soon moved on to northie vs southie discussions and thrived upon my chickening out this evening. I as usual was at my aggressive self saying reasons which would have been quashed by a 10 year old. The discussions slowly became gestures. I noticed that she was no longer beside me but was nearly over me engrossed in her attack. I didn't notice it as well as I was busy defending my state's pride as if it needed me badly. Guys!! They never accept defeat!! Why don't you just accept you chickened out!! I saw I was fast failing and was looking for something to fall back on. In a fit of self rage in one sweeping motion I took her head from behind made her face me face-to-face and kissed her sweet little lips. It felt like heaven. My lips, for the first time, received a guest other than my tongue and gladly let her in as well. I told you I didn't chicken out!! Getting a jolt I suddenly withdrew and tightly closed my eyes. Oh!! Please don't!! " That was something!!" Amidst applauses I lit up my eyes and found her blushing and rushing inside. No!! What have I done!! This cant be reality!! I was just fighting it out with my alter ego!! I wasn't chickening out!! It took some time for me to realize that it was reality indeed!! Our conversation continued for some time half of it meeting two oblivious ears. Finally when we decided quits I went into her room to tell her how I felt about it. She was sleeping(or so I thought). I closed in on our gap, mildly touching her shoulders not knowing what to tell her. She turned, her eyes wide open. " I don't think we should be doing this." " Well you probably are right!!" I returned slowly closing the door after me. Am I into another one of my trances? Why couldn't I have just stayed back?

THEREAFTER

It has been two months now. Its my birthday today. Will she or wont she? I waited the whole day and was getting restless. That was probably one of the very few birthdays I disliked. A rather uneventful day passed by with just a one liner saying happy birthday on YM. She sucks!! She just sucks!!

One more month passed by and my frustration levels had peaked. I was not able to concentrate. I had refused any body's offer to intervene. If at all this is resolved, I shall do it. the egomaniac I am. It was her birthday. I had decided this was going to be it. Its either now or never. I don't care!! She is a nobody to me. I am just gonna tell her I wasn't wrong and hang up. I don't love her anymore. Are you being true to yourself? Oh!! I am . Thats the truth. Nobody wants to hear the truth. I took the phone dialed her number and just waited for the ring. God!! Please!!! The engaged tone!!! Please!!! I pray to you!!Treeng!! "Hellooo" her voice still had the same magic. I didn't respond. There was a sob that could faintly be heard. " I am sorry. I just wanted to tell you I had nothing else in mind. Am sorry if I hurt you." She said only one thing and hung up " I love you." It was amazing. One phone call had resolved it all.

She is no longer with me now, but I cherish her dreams. The next two months we were very close to each other and those were the best days of my life. Looking back I found three words which have been hard to define and very confusing. Virtue, Verity and Virginity

Was I virtuous? I was. I really didn't have anything else in mind and I did make an attempt to patch things up. Lesson: Most important thing.
Was I truthful? I probably was. Wrongly at certain times. But it did pay off. I don't know if we could have got any closer if not for that period of separation. Lesson: Verity does pay off
Was I concerned about virginity? Hell no. Man!! thats just a short lived desire. It does no man any good. I have realized more joy in her company than probably thinking otherwise. Lesson: You can always whack off!! There are other small pleasures that stay with you for life.

Written and Directed by,
Batty

Not Half As Beautiful As She Was

2008-01-16T08:38:00.000+05:30

Disclaimer: All the characters in the story are fictional and bear no resemblance to anybody living or dead. In an attempt to challenge the writer within I might have created characters but the feelings and the emotion exuded are true to my conscience and are as I would have reacted to such a situation.

"You love her, don't you" he said sucking the last drop of beer in the mug. I didn't quite guess what he meant. Even though I hadn't had a sip of alcohol, the dim lights and the soft music made sure I didn't feel its absence. "Love whom....". A chuckle from another got me back to senses. "Oh yeah...and know for certain she does too...we just have to confess that to each other". "Sir, your bill". I thought this had saved me the embarrassment of what I had just blurted out. But not so fast. He grabbed it, dismissed him and looked at me with a what/when/how expression. "Now Mr. Cupid, how do you know what she feels. Did she ever hint that?". (Oh!! Shuks...What did I just do....this is getting outta my hands....why couldn't I have just told him in the first place that we were just good friends). " Hmmm..that doesn't matter anyways 'cos am just gonna say no if at all sucha thing happens".(Haha!!!...The importance of being loved than being in love is so enticing and overpowering..have to put up with the arrogance it brings along). The sound of laughter echoed through the empty bar. A serious and heavy voice said " Now why would you do sucha thing? Have you ever been in love previously or rather have you proposed to someone before?". This blunt question took me aback for a moment and struck a chord somewhere deep and my heart just missed a beat. " Yes, I have" I said involuntarily, still trying to recover. I excused myself and went straight into the loo. The memories of that early morning phone call still haunt me. Can tell you that these morning phone calls are a major irritant for most people and I was no exception. That morning in particular cos I had just returned after watching a late night movie. A sobbing voice called out " RB is that you.." I immediately recognized it and said " Anny, can I call you back. Am not outta my bed as yet". " No..its urgent RB...". My eyes opened up. " You alright?? " " Yes...but Shalini...She..." " What about her? " " She met with an accident last night". She broke down as these words left her mouth. " You alright??" this time it was a male voice. I didn't respond.." Batty ...you alright??" My friends had just paid up the bill and come into the loo. " Yes..yessss" I told them, rinsed my sweating face and walked outta there catching a glimpse of one of them nudging the other not to pursue this topic any further. I was relieved. That night as I lay down on my bed a spate of disjointed memories gushed through my mind.

THEY FIRST MET
"Why in the holy name of God should I write the entrance test to Delhi Engg college. Its not even worth the attempt" I asked my mom. I didn't really expect a response from her as I was in no mood to tolerate nonsense. Your brother gave that exam and he got into IIT and so going by the same logic you give it too. Ahh!! It was anyways too late in the day..or night rather..we had already boarded the train. As always I got down and checked the reservation list stuck on the bogie. As we had booked our tickets at the last moment we got seats at two ends of the same compartment. If only I could use this opportunity, I mused as my eyeballs ran through that list. Shalini...Hmm...sounds Mallu...Anjali..wow...sounds funky and interesting...only two F 18s(Sex-age)...way too less...I joked as I got in. I was too tired and didn't realize when I slept. When I woke up it was already morning and some giggling sounds broke my yawn and I sat up. Two chicks..wooh....but whos who....whatever nice opportunity. I just jumped from my cabin and was greeted by a familiar voice " Surprise!!! I just got my seats exchanged. You were sleeping ..so didn't want to wake you up." " Wow!! How great" I said with a shrunken face as I took the paste in my hand and headed towards the loo. I went two bogies far and turned to the wash basin. This I did so that I could have a puff. I opened the door and felt a cool wind blowing on my face. Perfect weather. I was just 3 cigars old and I didn't know how to light one. Result - matchbox flew. Now what I thought to myself as I chewed the cigar. A voice called out "Lighter??" I turned and my jaws dropped. The same chicks with coffee in their hands!! One was lean and had a perfect body and the other was like me. Not too lean and not too heavy. The latter then lighted my cigarette and it lit to my surprise. I offered her the extra one I had in my pocket. The leaner babe retorted " We quit smoking". What a snub!! I thought. Before I realized the first encounter was over they were gone. I took a long hard puff at it and sighed " What a start to the day". There was more in store. As I walked back to my bogie I saw the same chicks in some serious conversation with my mom. ( Oh gosh!!!! What did I do to deserve sucha punishment). As I retired to my upper berth, I fervently tried to eavesdrop on the conversation going on below and faintly heard a mention of some examination center that sounded familiar(Yeah!!thats mine, but who among you). My excitement was way too loud to go unnoticed. The snub gave me an arrogant smile whereas the other ones' was more pleasant. This didn't escape my mom as she called me below and introduced me to them. " We've already met." they said in chorus.

THE EXAM
Its just amazing when you have closed your minds on one of the institutes, how easy that paper looks irrespective of whether the answers are right or wrong. Finished the paper way before time and came out. Before going to the exams, I noticed a temple aside the center. I decided to spend about half an hour there before my mom could pick me up( No eyebrows raised please ........I was a theist then). I walked in, did the chores and sat in a corner staring at people. Temple or not...we guys never change..In the course of my trajectories a face familiar raced across...the fatter(or not so lean should I say) one with a lighter again....What the **** I thought...I waited for her to finish her prayers and went behind her to have my revenge or talk to her rather. " I thought you quit smoking." I said breathing down her neck. She was taken by surprise and gave me a look which said...forget it. It immediately transpired to a pleasant and mesmerizing smile. " Oh!! Its actually my brother's. I always carry it with me as a good luck charm." A lighter a good luck charm. Now either that was a bad cover up or she was crazy. I am not a mind reader but something told me it was the latter. "I don't notice your friend around, I said trying to start a conversation. " " Oh..Anny got a different center and told me she'd gimme a call once its over." she said fishing for her cell. She became restless as she couldn't find hers. She immediately rushed out of the temple straight into the center leaving me with a blank expression. Why are luck and I always at logger-heads? I thought as I walked out of the temple. She was on the road emptying her purse and more restless. Perfect for the entry of Mr. Nice Guy. I called out to her " Shalini...you seem very disturbed" " Nothing..its my bro's cell and he'll kill me if I lost it." "How I wish I could do the same thing, but its the other way round in my house" I joked. She didn't seem too impressed. " Bad joke!! Sorry about that. But did you bring it in the first place." " The Cafe!!" she exclaimed. "Hi, I am Shalini" she said as I got into the auto beside her. I was suddenly searching for an intro for myself."RB" I said as I shook hands. " Barat??" She looked at me questioningly. Woww...great you remember, I cribbed.." friends call me RB" ( who calls me so??)

LUCK AINT WITH ME
Almost an year had gone by and we were still friends..only friends..our conversations didn't sound so to the tune that they were more clogged by something both of us wanted to say or at the least thats what I thought..It was getting difficult for me and talking to her suddenly became a pain unbearable. I had to put an end to this and I just got the right opportunity. Another visit to the capital and I jumped up and kissed my mom. She was surprised and had a questioning look. " I deserve a break" I said trying to contain my excitement. The final exams finally got over. I was to travel a day later than my mom. Its very difficult giving up a Rajdhani journey to GT. But trains always bode luck for me. As I boarded the train I realized that I wasnt yet prepared what to say and I had just got 16 hrs to go. 32 hrs journey?? Yes it is. But it was so planned cos Shalini was getting into the train at Nagpur which is 16hrs away. ( What a strategy!!) ...5 hrs passed...10..15...20....25...It was way past midnight and we were still chatting the more the conversation went...the more difficult it was for me to see her face. I ultimately called it quits and took the upper berth to sleep. I couldn't sleep but it was far better. Shalini, I want to tell you something. You don't know how much I love you...oh crap...sounds too filmy...I have feelings for you..what shit feelings......no..not the proper word..or just forget it and take her into a lip-lock and say Hows that..kewl idea..and next thing sit in a police station with bare minimum clothes kneeling down...constable saying..Hows that...RB....Shalini's voice..Hey...hang on madam..I am not ready with my dialogues as yet.." RB" I woke up to find her at my feet..waking me up..."Cmon wake up...we got to get down...""but its just 5 in the morning..." Okhla station comes at 5:30 and you don't expect a girl to walk at that time of the morning all alone do you??" Now what...bodyguard...I'd be the first person to run in case of any incident..What a stupid idea..Rajdhani wd have been great fun..I thought as we walked through the empty streets..We didn't speak all the while...I made up my mind and told myself this is going to be it..We reached the bus stand and I said " Shalini, there's something I want to..." I hadn't finished that I saw her yawn and point out at a bus that'll take me home.... " I'd be waiting for you at the theater at 2. I want you to meet a friend of mine." She turned and left. isn't there something called decency and etiquette in this world...How very rude!!!

THE PROPOSAL OR WAS IT??
If any of you have experienced it I needn't tell you that there can be no worse thing than getting tickets in a theater and waiting for the person to come. " Oops I am late" " Oh..not a problem at all..you weren't too long" - 1/2 hr I was made to look like an idiot. We finally got inside. Thank God I thought..she told me that her friend wasn't coming..neither was I too inclined to take tickets for him..Mohabbatein...what a crap movie...and an empty theater...a perfect atmosphere....We were sitting next to each other and her hand was on mine, which was on the handle..not that this was the first time..but this time around I felt the heat inside and my hands trembled.I wanted her to sense it as well. The film progressed and I was getting too restless. She was just 5'6 so I had to stoop down. Now both of our faces were at the same level. "Shal.." I started to be interrupted again " Doesn..." She stopped too. With all the desperation contained I still was a gentleman. " Go on " I said. " Doesn't Aishwarya Rai look beautiful" she said. I looked her in the eye and told her " Not half as beautiful as you are " with all sincerity. Both of us were staring, our eyes just centimeters away. " Itni der kyon kardi( What took you so long)" she managed closing her eyes. "Sheila Dixit ke mukhya mantri banne ka intezaar kar rah tha(waiting for Shiela Dixit to become the CM)" I said. She opened her eyes and laughed. Now all the above said things happened in the interval of 30 seconds in which she closed her eyes for a brief period of 3 seconds. Why was it? Was it a lost opportunity? there was no time for searching answers to questions like that. She held my hands tightly together fingers entangled. Intermission- I saw her face as if for the first time in years and it had the same old pleasant mesmerizing smile I had first seen an year ago. She excused herself to get some snacks and I was all alone. I heaved a sigh of relief and told myself..Did I actually propose to her....no love..no feelings...wow..thats quite a proposal. All these thoughts were cut short by a voice that called out " Hey mate, you made it at last." Ahh..the same person who was standing behind me in the queue at the ticket counter. "Ji??" I looked at him questioningly. " Congrats man" " Congrats RB" a voice called from the other side. Didn't she look familiar. Why wouldnt She..Anjali was standing while Shalini behind her gave a sheepish smile. I had a 36" BOLD ITALIC QUESTION MARK on my face. Was there a hidden camera? Shalini broke it to me " I knew it was going to be today so I brought my friends along. Meet Anjali, whom you already know and Nirupam Sharma, my college mate.

The sound of the clock woke me up and I was staring right into the tube light which I had forgotten to switch off. I managed to get myself up with a lot of trouble and went to grab a bottle of water. It all seemed like it happened just now and 4 years had gone by. I returned to the bed feeling rather lonely. I have known people who have been in love for years. Mine was gunned down by Him even before it blossomed. As I laid down and shut my eyes tightly a speck of tear left the corner of my eye into the cheek. My lips were mumbling something I always wanted to tell her but never could and never will - I love you , Shalini I love you."

Written and directed by
Batty